I like to think that I’m pretty organized most of the time, but then again I also like to think that I’ve still got a chance to father Liv Tyler’s children, so perhaps I’m not the best judge anymore! I do tend to keep most of my work fairly organized – ask me about any project and I’ll show you a list of three or four others that have to be completed before I can even start, but when it comes to keeping track of physical items, that’s when I get really bad. Ideas, thoughts, concepts – no problem, I just write them down in any of several notebooks and I know exactly where to look, but ask me where my hairbrush is and I’ve met my match…

It actually kind of surprises me that I have yet to come across missing something that I really need so far – it’s always little stuff like brushes, forks, entire pads of post-it notes – items that are easily replaceable and will no doubt turn up the second I return home and open the new package. Lately it seems that a great deal of my hangers have turned up missing, which I’m finding particularly odd because I haven’t bought a new shirt in ages and if anything, I’ve thrown several away because they no longer resemble anything even close to shirts. Logic would only suggest that I should, in fact, have an abundance of hangers lying about, but until the mystery is solved, I’ve got an increasing pile of folded shirts accumulating at the bottom of my closet. It won’t be long before I won’t have any hanging up at all, but I’m not giving in and buying more this time – I did that with the Sock Monster and things have just never been the same around my laundry room!

What’s really horrible is when you lose something that isn’t nearly as replaceable – keys, cellular phones, and children all fall into the category and anyone who’s been in this situation knows that it’s not pretty! About a month ago I suffered a fate that is quite comparable to death with my lifestyle – I lost the remote control. Not just a universal one or anything – I’ve yet to come across one of those babies that can actually control my entire system without encouraging me to put my head through a wall in the process – but it was what you would consider the most important control of all. I have separate remotes for my VCR, DVD player, and stereo, but this one controls both the television and the digital cable receiver and without it, all is pretty much lost in my world of home entertainment! It turned up about three days later after the dog decided to have pity on me (I knew she had something to do with it – I was just surprised that she went that long without any food!), but now no one leaves my living room, including the dog, until all remotes are safe and sound. I’ve considered getting some of those little chains like they have for pens at the bank, but maybe that might be too much?

The one I don’t even realize, and probably the one that I always feel the worst about, is forgetting somebody’s name – especially when they’re someone new that you’re trying to become more acquainted with. It’s one thing to throw out a “Hey, man…” or “How’s it going, dude?” to somebody that you went to high school with or met at a random party in college, but it just doesn’t flow nearly as well with that babe from the copy room that you’d like to take out to dinner Friday night! “Baby” and “Honey” may work for you temporarily, but eventually she’s gonna want to hear her own name and nothing ruins a night quicker than either calling it out wrong or even throwing in the towel and admitting that you’re completely clueless! The only advice I might give for this one would be to repeat her name over and over once you initially hear it, in your head or even out loud, whatever works! If you can persuade her to wear a nametag, that’s even better, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin with suggesting that one…

Forgetfulness can be taken quite personally, but when it all comes down to it, it’s human nature and there’s very little we can do, short of carrying around a list in our back pocket, to ensure that we don’t miss a beat and end up looking foolish! As far as I’m concerned, though, the human mind has been known to work in mysterious ways, so perhaps I’m actually forgetting these things for a reason? The nameless face could be reminiscent of a person who I never really enjoyed being around in the first place, while the missing television remote could very well be a message that I need to get up off the couch and get a little exercise for a change! I’m always being told that I need to cut my hair, so maybe I’m just inadvertently telling myself that the time has come to make the change? Those may be very good and true, but then what’s the excuse for the contents of my closet being spread out on the floor?!

I actually had a good one for this, too, but just like the entire point of this column, that too has long since been forgotten! If anyone figures it out, be sure to drop me an e-mail and let me know, but just in case, I’m going to the store for more hangers tomorrow – I’ve been told that my own version of folding indicates that I need to learn how to iron as well. Yeah, that’s exactly what I need – something else for me to forget…