Aren’t radio stations great? Playing the great hits of yesterday and today, more of our favorite tunes without all of the commercials, now without the rap – all of this right from the comfort of our own homes, cars, or even the beach – it almost sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? Some of the hippest cats in town spinning a virtual smorgasbord of excellent jams, striving night and day to cater to your every musical desire – the kind of folks who simply won’t stop rockin’ until they retire – so why must these people insist on ruining all that I have ever loved with regards to the music industry?!

You know how it goes – you’re out cruising with the top down, a cool summer’s breeze blowing in your hair and the hottest jams cranked up to 11 on your radio dial – not a care in the world. The DJ comes on and says, “Here’s a brand-new one from the monsters of modern rock themselves, Creed! Only the best new rock, here on 103.5 – The Abruptly Vicarious Weasel…” The guitars kick in, a high-pitched scream that only a true rock star could ever emit pierces your eardrums, and for the next three and a half minutes, you find yourself absorbed in a rock ‘n roll fantasy world driven by pure adrenaline and a lust for good times. Eventually the ballad finally comes to an end as Scott Stapp belts out that final note and your spirit is returned to the real world, where you will wait oh so patiently for that escape to thrash through your speakers and into your soul once again! Yeah, I remember back when I could enjoy something like that…

Unfortunately, times are different now and just as 103.5 – The Abruptly Vicarious Weasel goes to commercial, as fast as you can change to another station – 96.4 – Garden Gnome Radio…from Hell! – there it is again, the spine-tingling harmonies of crisp, yet raspy vocals and dirty, distorted guitars, haloed by a “We’re not really singing about God…or are we?!”-vibe that has boggled both critics and fans since their first album. You pause for a moment, then crank it up and proceed to rock out once again, pretending vainly that you didn’t just do the exact same thing to the exact same song merely minutes before! The bass and rhythm guitars rattle the glass of the nearby shop windows as Creed plows through one final chorus, reminding yourself and everyone in a five-block vicinity just how good it is to be alive. Another friendly, neighborhood DJ comes back on during the fade-out and reports that, “After we pay some bills, we’ll be back with another ninety-six minute music marathon, commercial-free, only on 96.4 – Garden Gnome Radio!” Not willing to wait another five minutes for that alleged hour and a half block of solid music, you hop to radio preset #3 and I’ll bet you can already predict what you’re going to hear!

There are literally a lot of songs in the known universe, and while granted not all of them rock and some may very well be in languages that you don’t understand, I really see no reason why these folks behind the radio shows insist on repeating the same songs over and over again until we absolutely hate them – it’d be like buying a box of Frosted Flakes at the grocery one day and then having Tony the Tiger show up at your doorstep every consecutive day for a year and a half, force-feeding you those delicious corn flakes, dusted with a healthy glaze of sugar, until you finally opt to move and vow never to eat breakfast again! I love those sugary cereals just as much as the next guy, but we all need a little variety in our lives, and music shouldn’t be any different. It’s gotten to the point around here where I’m convinced that the four or five local stations actually share a play list and as much as I also love what the top executives in the recording industry have decided to be the latest hits of today, something’s just gotta give here…

My proposal is this, and although it seems quite simple for us stupid listeners, anyone in the broadcast industry should read it really slowly – maybe even get help from one of the kids down at the kindergarten if they’re not too busy. Play a bigger variety of songs! Did you get that?! I know it’s kinda confusing to grasp at first, but even if you aren’t getting top-dollar during every broadcast for throwing in some of the great hits of yesterday instead of playing Avril’s latest punk/pop wonder for the umpteenth time today, those of us on the other side of the radio will thank you many times over! Hell, we might even start actually listening to Creed again…

Nah, let’s not get carried away!