After undergoing weeks of scrutiny from the press and several political figureheads, President Bush presented two and a half legal-size boxes containing pages upon pages of extensive gourd documentation from the years 1968 – 1973. Apparently the leader of the free world takes his gardening very seriously…

At least I think that’s what’s the man on the TV said, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve kinda gotten into the habit of tuning out just about everything after the words “President Bush” because along the same lines as dogs or children, I just don’t have time for a President right now! I mean, seriously – “Today the President choked on a pretzel…”, “Today the President had a really bad headache…”, “Today the President would like to express regret for the loss of his pet turtle with this picture that he drew…” – where’s it going to end?! The way I see it, at the rate we’re going now, we’ll all be wearing beepers by the end of the week and if things don’t let up soon, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see a babysitting sign-up sheet go up by the water cooler, either!

The Presidency’s gone a weird direction these past few years, that’s certainly saying the absolute least! Back in the olden days, the President of the United States was a leader who stood as a role model both for our own citizens and even for the rest of the world, guiding this nation with important movements towards a better tomorrow. Of course, nowadays those ideals are long since gone and I don’t really feel that bad about admitting that most of us are pretty much satisfied with a President that just keeps us entertained! Sure, our healthcare system is shot to hell and there are people just wandering the streets at night, but hey, as long as the head honcho is getting blown by one of his aides or dropping bombs on somewhere overseas, page 7 is going to be all the coverage that our real problems will ever see. It sounds horrible, really, but lest we forget one thing – these guys certainly didn’t elect themselves…

No, we’re responsible for that – even Florida – and quite honestly, we’re getting to the point where I sometimes wonder why we even bother with these elections anymore altogether. When all is said and done, just as it always went down in high school, the popular (rich) guys always win and end up choosing their friends for all the cool jobs while I get stuck being the Assistant Paste Monitor! Most of us waste our lunch hour standing in line every four years just for the opportunity to vote for the guy that isn’t going to win anyways, so ever think that maybe it might just be easier on all of us if they’d simply draw straws or something and get it over with?!

Me too, but if 80’s pop icon Belinda Carlisle still isn’t accepting my letters, it doesn’t really surprise me that the White House isn’t, either…

So what do I suggest that we do 258 days from now when the time has come once again for all of us to give up lunch for a day in the name of democracy? “Quit your whining and get your lazy ass down to those voting booths already!” No, wait – that’s actually what my Uncle suggests, but surprisingly I guess that our answers are kind of similar…in a way…

The way I look at it, there’s always going to be that one guy arrogant enough to play the “You don’t have any right to complain if you don’t vote” card and, since I do rather enjoy complaining voicing my own opinions about these matters, I think it’s best in this situation to simply cover yourself, do your civic duty, and use it as a suitable excuse to pick-up Chinese take-out on the way back to the office! Of course, don’t feel obligated to put too much effort into it, as it still stands that your one, single vote will likely have as much influence as whether or not George Bush actually did show up for Guard duty thirty-some years ago! But nonetheless, if you do the math, an hour’s worth of waiting in line in exchange for the right to ridicule for the next four years still seems like a pretty good deal to me…

Of course, thing’s will be different when I finally run for the Presidency! Finally all those years spent monitoring paste will be put to good use – you just wait and see…