I tell ya – something funny’s going on around here…
I’m not exactly sure what it is…maybe it’s something in the water, or maybe they’re all just crazy with the love, but it seems to me like everyone around this place is having babies left and right these days! In fact, by my earnest calculations, it certainly seems like the months of July and August last year featured many a good time for these couples that surround me on a daily basis…so where was I – reading the newspaper?!
Then again, maybe that’s a good thing.
When it all comes down to it, I for one am certainly not ready for kids other than the occasional encounter at Disney World, so I suppose in the grand scheme of things, if somebody’s gotta be having all of these children right now, by all means let it be everybody else! Although I may love the deed, this writer certainly ain’t ready to breed…but instead of continuing this Seuss-ical game until one of you flogs yourselves out of your own misery with a nearby rattle or pacifier, I thought that I’d reiterate my current position on the market via the widely-popular Top Seven list below!
Top Seven Reasons Why Scott Clearly Isn’t Ready for Children…
7. Fighting over who gets to play with the Starfleet Commander next is an entirely different issue when they’re actually fighting with Dad, and because I’m bigger, I think we already know who’s going to win…
6. It’s hard enough getting me to take my own dishes to the sink on a regular basis…let alone someone else’s!
5. Baby vomit goes with little to none of the items currently found in my wardrobe.
4. According to the latest TV Parental Guidelines, most of the “cartoons” that I tend to watch in the evenings aren’t exactly “kid-friendly” anyways… (“Hehehe – I said doody, but there’s no time to laugh about it now!”)
3. When consulting my 8th grade Home Economics teacher, you might learn that my “flour baby” ended up being more along the lines of a “paste baby”…not sure if that’s something that we should be concerned about here, but I just wanted to bring all of my cards to the table…
2. My car’s only a two-seater.
1. How often are you supposed to feed those things, anyways???
And there you have it, folks – truly more than enough good reasons why we really don’t need any little Scotts running around at this particular moment in time, pulling on your dog’s tail in the park and hacking into your unsecured wi-fi network several hours past their bedtimes! While it’s not to say that we might not necessarily revisited this list from time to time…you know, just to see if the numbers happen to drop or something…but but for the time being, if I can do my part to prevent a few less temper-tantrums in the mall between the areas of the toy store and the candy store, then I think such actions are really for the common good! Really, come to think of it, maybe you should be thanking me…
Just don’t forget – I always accept donations of any size, and if you’re looking for suggestions, there’s a wish list on my website for Toys ‘R Us!