A new year and a new leaf, right folks?
Yeah, that’s what I thought, too, but then a new episode of The World’s Wildest Interspecies Marriages snuck its way onto my TV and, well, you can probably guess which direction things went from there! I’ll give you a hint – not north, east, or west…
It’s just so hard to get anything done in this day and age, and I honestly don’t think that I’m the only one who’s been running into this problem lately, either. You know the feeling – eight billion different things going on, so many that it just seems daunting to even bother getting off of the sofa anymore! And if it’s not something on cable, it’s the Internet, or that new Playstation game, or that all-too-realistic new body pillow that pretty much eliminates any need to ever get out of bed in the first place…or so I’ve heard. The bottom line, though – we, as a people, are just getting way too darn lazy.
So of course, our annual solution to this situation, as made a huge deal by millions who pledge year after year to make themselves better people…at least until about the third week of January, is the New Years Resolution. You’ve made ‘em, I’ve made ‘em, and chances are we’ve all broken our share of them, too! Am I the only one who finds it comical that time and time again we put an entire afternoon’s worth into concocting these arcane lists of self-improvement hoopla, only to kick said ideals promptly to the curb when we realize that fulfilling these goals might very well include missing a few reruns of Friends or getting up before noon on a weekend?!
And yet I hate to profess, but I made them again this year. So how am I doing on them so far, you ask? Well, I’m here writing to you today, aren’t I?! For those of you who were subjected to my slightly-less-pitiful-than-dirt schedule of humor columns from last year, it probably comes as no surprise that that’s one of my own resolution – write every once in a while! Ok, so that and the standard, date a supermodel one, but I think it just keeps getting tossed onto the end of the list by default…but trust me, when/if that one comes true, there will certainly be some writing going on here…and by writing, I of course mean bragging. But you’d do the very same thing…
So getting back to the point, what are my suggestions for making your very own New Years Resolutions come true??? Well, setting unusually low standards seems to work for some people and if that’ll still give you the results that you’re after (minimal success is still technically success, nonetheless!), then I’d recommend that you start in that general direction! Allow yourself plenty of rewards and encouragement along the way, in the form of video games or pot pies or whatever suits your fancy, to keep your enthusiasm up. Also, and this is a trick that is useful in multiple facets of life – just ask Whoopi Goldberg – surround yourself with inadequacy, thus instantly making your own success all the more fathomable! Sure, it may not seem exactly fair to those around you, but remember that old saying, “Not everybody gets to be an astronaut when they grow up…”
And in the meantime, just keep on doing your best to take on that procrastination with strides! You may very well not beat it just yet, but the sooner you finish watching The Simpsons, the sooner King of the Hill will be on…and after that, the sooner that you’ll be able to spend some time confronting your own resolutions. Chin up, shoulders high, and head full of positive thoughts…because otherwise there’s a good chance of you falling asleep altogether and relatively few New Years Resolutions are completed in one’s sleep – stay strong, my tenacious wildflowers!