So it’s been three months already, as those of you who have been living vicariously through yours truly since that fateful July 13th column will certainly vouch – a very sleek, very sexy, and of course, very cool three months since I officially hopped on the escalator of vehicular status symbols and bought myself a shiny, (almost) new convertible…
And don’t get me wrong, the ride thus far as been fabulous, cruising around with the wind in my hair and the warm sun finally tanning more than just my driving arm! If somehow driving along the beach with the sun setting in the distance wasn’t enough, well, tipping your head back to see a sky full of twinkling stars in the evening after the sun’s gone down can provide quite the view as well – just try to limit yourself to admiring them at stoplights only, for the sake of the rest of us out there on the roads and sidewalks, too, eh?!
But of course, like anything purchased from sales folk, as I like to call them, I must sadly admit that this particularly awesome purchase did not come without its hidden catches, if you will. No, no – it doesn’t blow green smoke out of the exhaust or only play showtunes on the radio or anything horrible like that, but let’s just say that over the past few months my fiancée and I have noticed a few things that aren’t exactly mentioned in the owner’s manual for convertibles, if you will. And mind you, none of these would even come close to persuading me against buying one of these fine, roof-less vehicles of supreme coolness in the future, but nonetheless, as a writer with the utmost integrity and dedication to my readers who might now be shopping for convertibles of their own just so they can follow in my footsteps, it seems only right that I offer up these few bits of advice that every new convertible owner should know.
…and if you can learn them by reading them here instead of actually having to endure them yourselves, then more power to ya!
Liquids Aren’t Your Friends!
Now first of all, and I certainly hope that you’ve picked up on this by now if you’re in the market for a convertible yourself, but just for the record, the key difference between a convertible and any other car on the road is that your new convertible doesn’t have a roof.
It seems like a fairly simple concept to grasp, but just follow me for a moment because in transcending into the world of car, but not necessarily roof-ownership, it’s important to re-evaluate all of the things that your car’s roof currently protects your noggin from. Rain, sprinkler systems when you drive past the neighbor’s house who can’t seem to set the darned thing up properly, and even your own windshield washer solution – all things that are best kept outside of the car, but if you’re going to move into the realm of cars without roofs, it’s important to remember that you’re kind of on your own when it comes to avoiding these sorts of things!
The Nutritional Value of Bugs Do Not Make Them Worth the Taste
If you’ve ever wondered why motorcycle riders wear helmets, well, let me just say that one ride in a convertible during love bug season here in Florida will show you that it isn’t entirely about preventing blunt force trauma to the cranium! And despite what those natives featured on the Discovery channel may have told you, you’re still better off pulling into the latest McRonald’s or Burger Emperor for a quick bite…
Watch for Flying Luggage
Another thing that I think some of us tend to take for granted when we drive around is the ability to keep our cars looking like absolute pig sty’s, and even though our passengers may groan or simply yell out in disgust when we have to clear off the passenger seat before they can enter the car, it’s a whole lot easier to tolerate than watching one’s papers go flying out of the car in a whirlwind frenzy when you hit 40 mph with the top down!
Then again, perhaps that’s actually somewhat of a hidden feature of the convertible – automated cleanliness. It may not be able to blow away everything, for some of us, every little bit helps…
Beware of Aerial Bombers
You know the drill – you just pulled out of the car wash and are cruising down the highway, feeling great, when all of a sudden out of nowhere – splat – a little birdy sends you a white present mid-flight. And while cleaning that nastiness off of your windshield is pretty darned gross, you try cleaning it out of the backseat or even worse…somebody’s hair! Talk about a mood killer for what was supposed to be a pretty romantic evening!
They Stare Because They Care…
Of course, I think ultimately the most important thing to remember when you’re reading and learning from these little plights of my own, however, is that even if you’ve just doused yourself with windshield washer solvent, or that important contract just blew out the window, or even if your wife just got an unexpected present from … ok, well actually that one is pretty bad … but at the end of the day, you’ve still got a car that will make all of the ladies’ heads turn and the guys green with envy because you’re distracting their women, so enjoy that for all it’s worth! For love bugs will come and go, but unless it’s pouring out and you can’t put the top down without creating your own portable swimming pool, those adoring, often somewhat jealous stares are forever…