I don’t want to get everyone all riled up, but I guess in this case I actually do – I just can’t hold back my excitement a moment longer! I know that times have been kind of tough financially, and with the housing collapse and gas prices skyrocketing lately, it seemed for the longest time like there was no end in sight, but my friends, I’m happy to announce that our days of woe and worry are finally over!

Well, at least for those of us who live in Florida, anyways. The rest of you all are still pretty much screwed…

But for us, the days around here are about to get a whole lot sunnier, for the legendary Powerball is coming to town, spreading its joy and love and wealth whose only limits are the pocketbooks of those destined for greatness … those who strive to be winners … those who really didn’t need to buy groceries this week anyways! In these times of unyielding financial turmoil, the Powerball brings to us a chance for a brighter tomorrow, an opportunity for a better future, and most importantly of all, a pipedream fantasy of finally being able to tell all those bill collectors, “Buzz off – I’m a millionaire now!”

Of course, there are those crazy skeptics who claim that lotteries like the Powerball are a bane to society that prey on the weak and cohearse those who can least afford it into gambling away their livelihoods as a last-ditch attempt free themselves of their economic burdens by hitting it big, when in reality they’ve got a better chance of being hit by lightning or being attacked by a shark, or even being attacked by a shark that can shoot lightning out of its mouth – boy, that would be something, now wouldn’t it?! But then again, we all know that only golfers and people standing underneath huge trees ever actually get hit by lightning and sharks don’t even exist in this modern age, so if I’m doing my math right those odds just got a whole heck of a lot better!

The money is currently set to officially start flowing like a fresh glass of Florida Premium Orange Juice into the sunshine state in January 2009, which means that we’ve really only got about five months to start figuring out just how we’re going to spend all of that dough. I, myself, am thinking speedboat, abandoned Laser Tag arena, giant robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex for my first purchases, although if gas prices keep going up, I might have to go the sensible route and squeeze zeppelin in there somewhere just so I have a viable means of getting from Point A to Point B (with Point A being my castle in Northern Scotland and Point B being my private island in the South Pacific)…

I’m telling ya, it’s going to be great, folks – no more jobs, no more worrying about paying those pesky bills, and if you’ve got an accountant savvy enough to siphon your winnings into a secret account in the Caymans, no more taxes! But just remember, you can’t win if you don’t play, and really, what’ve you got to lose?! You were only going spend it on milk and eggs anyways…