All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again…

Thus is the legacy of buying a new car.  We’ve all done it, and we’ll most likely all do it several more times as long as them fossil fuels hold out, but it’s not really something that any of us are looking forward to, which frankly is a darn shame because new cars are shiny and fun and come with all sorts of cool buttons that we’ve never seen before!  But instead of people being able to get all psyched up about finally trading in that old clunker for something that’s sleek and sexy and that doesn’t have a Fred Flintstone-style hole in the floor, we end up dreading the process as if it came with a mandatory root canal.

…or colon cleanse, I suppose – take your pick.  Either way, not something to get excited about…

I bring this up, of course, because as you may have guessed it because I’m just that kind of predictable guy, I’m currently in the market for a new automobile myself.  Well, actually my wife is because her car’s getting to the point where we just about have to give it a friendly push to get her started on down the driveway each morning, so she’s definitely due for an upgrade in the vehicular transportation department.  Sounds like something that should be a whole lot of fun, except for that one tiny detail – shopping for cars sucks.

The last time we danced to this particular rock opera was just about two and a half years ago when I bought the car that I still drive to this day.  And don’t get me wrong – I absolutely love my car … probably a bit more than a man should for something that he’ll still be making payments on until he’s begun the battle versus male pattern baldness … but no matter how many cool, summer nights we’ve spent together cruising along the beach or even just sprawled out at the drive-in wasting time, at the end of the days when I close that garage door and toss the keys on the counter next to the half-empty M&M jar, deep down I know that I got royally screwed for that car.

It still pains me to admit it, but truth be told, that salesman saw me for the car-buying sucker that I was and proceeded to squeeze every last penny out of me like his kid’s braces depended on it.  We fought back and forth for the better part of an hour like a couple of disgruntled army sergeants, and then when I finally thought I was in the clear after we had at long last settled on a purchase price, that’s when he handed me over to his finance guy who really proceeded to work me over like yesterday’s news.  Extended warranties, mystery APRs – hell, I didn’t even know what bank was lending me the money until the payment book arrived with their name on it a few weeks later!

Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to delving into that world again.

But who knows – maybe this time will be different.  Maybe a lot has changed in the once mighty realm of auto sales and now a salesman’s worth is only measured by his honor, rather than the size of his commissions.  Perhaps the quizzical price tags that seemed to vary based on everything from El Niño to the alignment of the stars have since stabilized, thus offering consumers a single, clear-cut price to compare when searching for the most affordable offering.  It could even be that the entire auto sales industry as a whole has realigned itself to be more consumer-friendly by abolishing the commissioned sales program as we knew it altogether and instead opting to compensate its staff members via a competitive, hourly salary that doesn’t compromise the overall quality of the consumer’s end-to-end auto purchasing experience in the slightest.

Frankly, I’m kinda doubting it, but I suppose a guy can dream…