There’s nothing like a good sandwich to bring out the funny in an otherwise boring day…

Because let’s face it, as much as I wish that my creative juices were just constantly flowing strong like a mighty river of comedy 24×7, flooding onto the screen just as quickly as my fingers are able to dance nimbly across the keyboard … it doesn’t always work that way! On the contrary, there are some days when that river is more like a mighty trickle of despair, dripping lazily from my creative faucet like somebody forgot to pay the water bill … and it’s after hours … on a weekend … and they’re going to want a $129 “reconnect fee” when I finally do get someone on the line anyways!

It’s on days like this when I recognize that sometimes I need to just get up and walk away for a little while, far far away from the computer and all of its wonderful hang-ups and distractions.  Sometimes a different environment, a change of scenery, a breath of fresh air can be just what my mind needs to break out of its creative funk and get back to cranking out my own coveted brand of top-notch humor once again.

Also, sometimes I get hungry!

So it kind of works out that I’ve managed to find comedic sanctuary, if you will, in a variety of local restaurants nearby where I can catch a break from the hum drum ordinary while also continuing to jot down literary brilliance as it comes to me over a plate of curly fries or maybe a decadently fattening milkshake!  It doesn’t matter if it’s Chili’s or Chick-Fil-A, Hooters or HoneyBaked – there’s just something about sitting down for a nice lunch that really helps to cleanse the palate and help get me back on that road down to funny town.

Of course, it doesn’t hurt when sometimes that little smidgen of inspiration that I’ve been waiting for ends up being only a Baja Beef Gordita or an Awesome Blossom away.  I don’t know if it’s the excessive caloric intake of deep fried foods or maybe just my short attention span in general, but it’s when I’m hauled up in that red booth waiting for my second refill in twenty minutes that I really start to notice things … things that under any other circumstance would probably just get overlooked as purely incidental, however when I’m out of the house and on a mission for some funny idea fishin’, I guess I just can’t help but ask myself…

What’s with those numbers on that strip taped up by the door?  Are those inches and feet??  Why would they want to be able to easily tell how tall people coming in the door are???  Oh … it’s to tell how tall people going out the door are … when they’re leaving with money from the cash register?!?!?!  That’s kinda messed up!

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Am I ever going to see my waitress with that pitcher of ice water again?  I mean, really – how many platters of “endless ribs” does a guy have to clear to get taken seriously around this place?!

…

Wait – exactly why did I decide that Taco Bell would be a “good” place to eat today again???  I can’t even describe what this taco “meat” actually tastes like, and maybe that’s all for the best…

Fortunately, however, while curiosity may have killed the cat, it still manages to do wonders for my own creative conscience and more often than not, with a little luck by the end of this ponderous meal I’ll have somehow managed to stumble my way back in the general direction of happy, funny time nirvana where, as long as said meal doesn’t transmorph itself into a case of horrendous food poisoning, the songbirds will soon once again sing their tunes of comedic harmony while the sun shines down rays of laughter-inspiring radiance, thus giving me the strength I need to push through my hunger-induced rut and produce the comedic brilliance that you’ve come to know and expect from me in this column.

…at least for another week, anyways – come Monday, all bets are off and the battle for weekly creativity resumes like new once again!

Boy, it sure is a good thing that I like sandwiches…