Did I mention that we recently found WiiFit under our tree this Christmas?
Now I know I’m a little late to this Mario Party because it first came out in 2009, but for what it’s worth, I’ve just been really busy these last couple of years … binging on pizza and potato chips and all sorts of other horrible foods that have made me the super-sized hero in desperate need of exercise that I am today! In a way, you could say that I just wanted to be able to give the WiiFit a true workout, but let’s not kid ourselves … it is what it is, and now I’ve got a lot of virtual jogging ahead of me to get back to the original, 8-bit me that I strive to be…
Anyways, whatever the reason for my previous lack of digital encouragement, I’m here now and I’m ready to try video games as a means of finally getting off my butt and getting a little exercise. It still sounds crazy even saying it now – video games, the same thing that has brought me hours upon hours of couch-based entertainment on a daily basis all of these years, is now supposed to turn face and become this magical motivator to get me off the couch and actually moving around to burn calories as well??? Then again, maybe it makes sense – after working with Mario and Link over the years to help save princesses and restore order to their own respective kingdoms, maybe it’s time for me to enlist the help of a virtual trainer to nag me about exercising everyday so that I can finally get my own kingdom in shape once again!
At least, that’s what the box eluded to anyways, although for what it’s worth, it didn’t say a thing about how round and Weeble-like my Mii was going to look…
So far I think I kind of like WiiFit, though – my personal trainer is really upbeat and positive, and she has yet to once criticize me for eating peanut butter straight out of the jar during my workout … for that extra burst of energy, you know. Every now and then, the other trainer does show up and says that he needs to “fill in for my trainer,” though, which admittedly seems kind of weird, as if she’s up front grabbing another Gatorade or busy encouraging some other virtual client about the importance of not neglecting their virtual yoga or something! Still, at the end of the day it’s nice to work with a trainer who’s only programmed with a limited number of ways to hint that I “need improvement,” unlike those muscle-bound jerks down at the gym who apparently “take their workouts seriously” and “don’t have time for goof-offs like me who just want to send stupid tweets about funny names for all of the positions.”
The Downward-Facing Dog? Pelvic Tilts?! I mean, come on – these things basically write themselves!
Besides, just looking at the huge variety of activities that I can do in WiiFit, it’s simply got so much more to offer a feeblish, new athlete like myself than the real world does! Only in this virtual world do I get the opportunity to:
Jog Leisurely Around My Favorite Golf Courses
And by “favorite,” I mean the ones in WiiSports where I can often be found driving balls at random into the stupid waterfall, even though I checked the wind direction, like, three times already…
Tight Rope Walk
…between two really high buildings … without a safety net … and apparently halfway across, there’s this chompy thing that I have to jump over, too?! Seriously, I’m pretty sure that even those crazy guys in Cirque Du Soleil don’t train this way!
Trust me – nobody wants to see these hips make those motions in the real world!
Sure, just like in any workout, there are some things that you have to be careful for, like watching out for Goombas while you’re jogging or remembering to dodge left when those jerks start throwing their shoes at you in the soccer heading game, but in my book those virtual risks are still a lot more tolerable than anything with teeth that I might run across “outdoors!”
That said, it’s actually about time for another session right now – that’s one thing I will say about my trainer, she’s definitely a bit of a stickler for me being late! Just as long as one of these days Bowser or Donkey Kong doesn’t show up to “fill in” for her, though, I think I might be able to get used to this after all…