I really hope this guy turns out to be as good as they say he is…
I mean, who am I to second-guess someone with a PhD in carpet cleaning, but frankly I just hope that the poor guy knows what he’s getting himself into because for the love of all things freshly Febreezed are the floors around this house absolutely and unequivocally beyond disgusting!
Correction – if you happen to be my landlord and are reading this, the carpets are in fact in a perfectly reasonable condition with the normal wear and tear that one might expect to find just before refunding in full a tenant’s security deposit upon the end of their wholly fulfilled rental agreement…
But just to be clear to everyone else – it’s getting pretty bad around here, folks! I mean, I suppose that’s to be expected when you’ve got a member of the family who’s still occasionally a bit confused as to where she’s allowed to go to the bathroom … our puppy, that is! I thought we had gotten pretty skilled with the spray bottle of Wee-Wee-Be-Gone since inviting that fur-covered, little urine factory into our home a little less than a year ago, but these here carpets tell a much different tale … one of late night relief long after the missus and I had retired for the evening, and also admittedly just some regular, old half-assed attempts at cleaning up the ones that we did happen to be present for – no doubt right in the middle of when something important like The Simpsons was on TV, mind you!
I’m not here to point blame, though … there’s really not much use in that unless said puppy shows any inclination to push the steam-cleaner around by herself in the near future … but taking into consideration her somewhat skiddish-at-best behavior when she’s around our plain old, ordinary non-magically stain lifting vacuum??? Chances are she’s not going to want to be anywhere within a 10-mile radius when that thing starts going to town on her life’s work like a considerable security deposit depends on it!
Then again, I suppose if I had it my way, I’d rather be down at the local watering hole than dragging that thing back and forth until my feet are as pruned as that time I fell asleep in the bathtub for three and a half hours, too!
And what’s up with that, anyways?! The only doctor who can offer his professional services and then once he gets here, expect me to do all of the heavy lifting while he just sort of sits around and hums a convincing melody! If I showed up at the doctor’s office and he told me, “Alright, Mr. Sevener – now here are all of the tools that will be needed to take out your appendix … if you need me for anything, I’ll just be reading my book over here in the corner…” – that probably wouldn’t go over too well, and not only on account of my appendix no doubt rupturing in an explosion of whatever gross stuff builds up to lead a guy to have his appendix taken out in the first place anyways, either!
Nonetheless, I have faith that at the end of the day after the good doctor and I have toiled over carpets large and small together that our efforts will ultimately be triumphant because, well, I’ve just gotta believe because we really don’t have many other options! It would cost far too much to AstroTurf our living room and my wife thinks that it might end up sending the wrong message to our perky, little puppy anyways. Walking around on stilts to avoid the perpetual puddles of piddle is just unreasonable on account of yours truly having the balance skills of a rhinoceros on a surfboard at high tide.
Also, I really don’t want to just pay to have the carpets replaced because really, who even does that for places that they’re just renting, anyways?!
We’ve tried the rest, and so now I’m calling in the best. I’ll see you bright and early in the morning, Rug Doctor! I strongly recommend that you wear old shoes…