Well not right now, mind you!

It would take an awfully rude person to start a conversation and then immediately go, “You know what – hold that thought. I’m just going to go run 26.2 miles – I’ll be right back!”

I guess what I meant to say was that I want to run a marathon eventually. I’m not really sure why – I was just thinking about it the other day and it seemed like something that might be kinda cool to do, along the lines of playing in a symphony or traveling into outer space, but hopefully with a little less skill actually required! Not that marathon runners don’t have skills or anything, but let’s be clear – I said that I want to run in a marathon, not that I have any desire to come in first place at one…

Now I’ll be the first to admit that at the moment, I don’t really know a lot about marathons.  I know that they’re very long, and I know that they involve running, and well, I guess that’s pretty much it so far!  I think I might need to buy a new pair of shoes, maybe a map and compass, just in case they forget to tell me where to go ahead of time and it ends up turning into some sort of marathon/treasure hunt or something.  I’m also still unclear whether or not those spandex running shorts that everyone seems to wear are required or optional … just between you and me, I’m kinda hoping for the latter, but needless to say, I’ve still got a lot to learn before my soles hit the open road!

So to address the elephant in the room – why running?

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been asking myself that very question pretty much every second of the day since I first had this revelation, and I still haven’t the foggiest idea myself!  Traditionally most of my running has been limited to running away from things, but then again for all I know maybe that’s part of how they motivate the athletes to run for six hours straight by placing random bears and alligators on the course to help everyone keep the pace, to use a running term that I just learned from Wikipedia about ten minutes ago!

Besides, I can only assume that there must be some sort of incredible prize awaiting runners at the finish line – I mean, you don’t make people run 26.2 miles just for the heck of it!  Maybe it’s a new car, maybe it’s just a really good foot rub … I guess I’ll never know until I drag this body of mine across the finish line myself…

Needless to say, I’ve got a lot of work to do – you know, even after I pick out the shoes and find some spandex that really shows off my glutes.  I’m sure I’ll be out and about conditioning, as they say, and doing plenty of practice runs before the big day, so if you happen to see me stumbling around the neighborhood, feel free to shout a few words of encouragement from the comfort and safety of your front porch!

Just try not to get too close, though, on the chance that I actually do have a wild bear and/or alligator helping me to keep pace that day, lest you wish to find yourself accidentally training for a marathon, too…