Mean, Old Mr. Sevener…

Jul 24, 2009
Now I don’t want to come off like some kind of jerk here, but just between you and me – I don’t really like kids. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true – it’s not all kids in general that...

God Bless the HOA

Jul 3, 2009
The unsung heroes of our communities, they are the men and women of the neighborhood Homeowners Association. You probably don’t think much about your local HOA – I know that I sure didn’t, but t...

They Call Me “Unsolicited”

Apr 10, 2009
Might I have just a moment of your time? I think we might’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, on account of me sticking mine in your door when you tried to slam it in my face the other day when I came ...

Only This Blanket Can Save You Now!

Jan 16, 2009
Thanks to Mother Nature and her stupid cold front, it’s been a bit nippy around here lately, especially for anyone or anything that happens to live outside. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s cert...

Weed Not, Want Not…

Sep 19, 2008
It’s a jungle out there, baby, however not even Tarzan can help us now… I thought after our last episode with the lawn, my out-of-doors woes had gone the way of affordable gas prices, never to pos...

Fertilize This!

May 9, 2008
“Please grow, baby! Please grow!!!” No, no – we’re not pregnant – and you should be ashamed of yourselves for even suggesting such a thought to a guy that isn’t even married yet! We’ll d...

The Great Ant Invasion of 2007

Nov 2, 2007
I really hate ants. And I apologize to any arthropods that might happen to be reading my column this week, but you little buggers have sure been a pain in my neck … and arms, and legs … for the pa...