If I Were President of These United States…
…I guess that I’d have to learn to how to golf, for starters. Wait – strike that. No, I wouldn’t! If I were president of these United States, putt-putt golf would become the...
Is $499 Too Much to Pay for a Frying Pan???
It could be said that already I’m a guy who’s written too much about cookware – namely because this isn’t the first humor column that I’ve penned about frying pans, but...
Trump-pocalypse!
So we’re really doing this, huh?! Today is Donald Trump’s inauguration as the 45th President of the United States of America – no April Fools, no backsies, no “This is Ashton ...
Twas the Night Before the Night Before Christmas
Twas two days before Christmas and all through the house, every creature was stirring because they put off a lot of their holiday preparations until the last minute, although for what it’s wort...
Learned From the Parents of Twins…
Being a parent of twins is a lot like being a parent of only one child, except that when you’re seeing double from lack of sleep the results are exponentially terrifying… That said, even ...
Operation: Decorate!
Some folks are out shopping today. Others are still incapacitated from yesterday’s self-imposed turkey and gravy coma. Let them enjoy their savings and their sweet dreams of mashed potatoes an...
Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving Dinner, 2016 Edition
Much like at Alice’s Restaurant, the cult classic folk ballad by Arlo Guthrie that seems to resurface on the radio every Thanksgiving on the ride over to Grandma’s house, this year it se...
Red, White & Bologna
There was a time when admittedly I kind of liked bologna. I was probably in grade school and it was what we had lying around the fridge, so it made a fine sandwich that I ate for lunch on many an occa...