A Quick Note: What you are about to read is the second part of a series of humor columns that I’ve pieced together over the past two months as I prepared to and eventually did purchase an engagement ring for my hopefully-soon-to-be-fiancée. Although I had some hilarious experiences as the search progressed, in the interest of genuine surprise I held off on publishing my thoughts here until after the actual proposal itself had been made. Fortunately she did say “Yes,” otherwise you would probably be reading a very different kind of column right now, but instead, sit back and relax as our story continues with the actual purchase…
So that was it – there was no going back now! She had made her selection, and now the ball was in my court and my court alone…
No pressure, of course!
It’s a big decision for a guy to buy an engagement ring, or at least his first engagement ring, anyways. This is different than scoring concert tickets for her favorite band or scrimping and saving so that you can buy her a new car stereo for Christmas – it’s a decision that will stay with you for the rest of your life, namely because that’s about how long it’s going to take for you to pay the thing off, or at least that’s how it would go down if the sneaky jewelry salesgirls had their way! Looking back, I think I actually did ok – I mean, it’s still a lot of money, but I left the store that afternoon not only with my shirt still intact, but also a complimentary bottle of water to celebrate my purchase!
Check back with me later once I’ve received my first statement requesting payment for the ring, with its final balance blazed in fiery red, and ask me then if I’m still as enthusiastic about the sacred complimentary water…
Nonetheless, I still believe that the purchase itself is an epic moment – a defining point in a man’s life when he finally steps forward and says, “Hey, I ain’t gettin’ any younger and it’s probably safe to say that my coveted future as a Nintendo Game Counselor is officially out of reach – might as well seal the deal on this one before that dream of having a wife slips through the old butterfingers, too…” From the moment that his signature graces the financing application placed in front of him, there’s no turning back – it’s a whole new world out there that he’s about to face, with his newly purchased engagement ring in one pocket and the lucky rabbit’s foot that he got at summer camp when he was nine in the other. Will he return home victorious with the ultimate prize, or will he be that shameful soul who is later faced with the decision of whether to simply live with a very expensive ring forever in his pocket or to suck up the embarrassment and slink back to the jewelry store in desperate hope of their accepting returns?
Well, having written this in retrospect, I’m happy to say that returning it was not an option that I had to consider, not that I’d have even considered dropping that kind of cash without some major source of reassurance anyways, but that’s not to say that I didn’t experience a bit of my own variety of post-purchase panic anyways! Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse at calming down one’s nerves three days before the big proposal than getting the ring home from the jewelry store only to find that it’s missing parts – in this case, one of the smaller accent diamonds along the side of the band. Fortunately, however, the store was able to replace the wandering diamond free of charge, which was kind of expected because it was really their fault in the first place, but it’s funny how that customer/salesgirl relationship changes once the paperwork has been signed and the commission check has been delivered…
Nonetheless, it was mine, it was soon to be hers, and everything was coming together like clockwork. Now all I needed was a cool way to propose…
(see my column from May 4th if you missed it!)