Break-Up Letter to a Tree…

Jul 10, 2020
Dear Ginormous Oak Tree Towering in My Front Yard, I don’t love you anymore. If we’re being frank, and I don’t know why I wouldn’t because I’m talking to a tree, I’...

Gardening for Lazy People

Apr 29, 2016
I enjoy the outdoors alright … I suppose. I mean, I look at it through the window every day, not to mention passing it whenever I walk from my front door out to my car in the driveway … le...

Bamboo’zled

Nov 6, 2015
Bamboo is the fastest-growing plant in the world with certain species able to grow as much as three feet in a single day’s time. While known primarily for its cultural significance throughout A...

Filter This!

Sep 18, 2015
I’d like to have a word with the guy who installed the AC vents in my house. I don’t know if he just happened to be extraordinarily tall or if there’s actually some boring, scienti...

I Now Own a Chainsaw

Jul 31, 2015
You’d probably think that I’d be happy … perhaps even excited about this, but I assure you I’m really not. Sure, chainsaws are among the manliest of tools, whether you’...

The Cooler in the Crawl Space

Feb 21, 2014
There are plenty of normal things I fully would’ve expected to discover in that attic – boxes of random junk left behind by the previous owner, bats, or maybe even a homeless person who h...

My Brand New Wasabi Couch

Dec 13, 2013
Of all the shades of green in my days – forest green, mint green, maybe even a little avocado – I can’t say as though I’ve ever gazed upon a thing, be it animal, vegetable, or mineral, and tho...

Scott the Lumberjack

May 24, 2013
Do you know how trees even work?! Do I have to worry about disturbing its delicate tree balance by not taking into account some sort of feng shui or magical forestry voodoo before I make my first cut?...