Latest Columns
Tales From the Neverending Car Line
Do kids even take the bus to school anymore? I ask because although I see them driving around town, I can only assume that every school bus is completely empty based on the number of SUVs and minivans...
Did You Pee in the Pool Yet, Dad?
One of my responsibilities as a father of boys is teaching them about their penises. So far the coursework has been pretty straightforward – wear underwear, don’t show it to strangers, try...
Superheroes Wear Masks – What’s Your Excuse?!
“The mask isn’t for you – it’s to protect the people you care about.” — Batman Can you believe that we’ve had five months now to run around wearing masks like...
Super Diaper Dog
I shouldn’t laugh, but my dog started wearing diapers recently. Oh, who am I kidding?! After 56 dog years of defiance and obnoxious barking coupled with a questionable amount of occasionally bei...
Denial is a Pandemic
Can you imagine how exhausting it must be to believe that everything around you is fake? Climate change. 9/11. A global pandemic. Anderson Cooper’s street cred. How would you even know that the gril...
Pandemic Time
Is it Christmas yet??? Maybe election time? It could even already be Halloween, considering we’ve all got the masks ready for it and everything! Just fill up a big bowl full of candy and wait fo...
Break-Up Letter to a Tree…
Dear Ginormous Oak Tree Towering in My Front Yard, I don’t love you anymore. If we’re being frank, and I don’t know why I wouldn’t because I’m talking to a tree, I’...
Calling All Karens
“I want to speak to the manager of the Internet – this website is distracting me and preventing me from writing my humor column!” Oh, Karen… Not a week goes by without your smu...