Wipe Now, Art Later
I think that it’s just about every writer’s dream to find themselves locked away at home with nothing else in the world to focus on except for their writing. Note to self: A global pandemi...
When Express Shipping Still Isn’t Fast Enough…
I do little to hide the fact that I’m an extraordinarily lazy, antisocial recluse of a man, and frankly Amazon Prime makes it even worse. Yet I love my Amazon Prime subscription like anothe...
Oh No Toilet!
No single phrase in the English language is more terrifying to hear than, “The toilet isn’t flushing.” Well maybe, “There’s a meteor headed straight for Earth and the c...
Life is Like a Poop
I dream of a day when my best stories don’t involve my child’s pooping activities… …but alas, today is not that day. Although it’s mostly true that his craziest of poops...
The Urine Courier
I have no idea what he needed all 1.45 gallons for, nor do I really want to know what kooky, lab experiments he could possibly be cooking up for which a normal, Dixie cup-sized sample of urine wouldnâ...
Classy Like a Dog’s Butt…
I swear, sometimes I miss the good, old days when she would just crap right there in the middle of the floor and get it over with because at least that I could bag up and throw out with the garbage…...
The Time to Buy Stock in Paper Towels is Now!
The statute of limitations regarding acceptable places for a puppy to relieve herself in my house has long since expired…...
Behind the Process: This Column Was Written in the Shower…
If my Rubber Ducky can tolerate a bit of back-and-forth brainstorming banter during our regularly scheduled bonding ritual, then float me that purple bathtub crayon and let’s get to writing!...