Break-Up Letter to a Tree…

Jul 10, 2020
Dear Ginormous Oak Tree Towering in My Front Yard, I don’t love you anymore. If we’re being frank, and I don’t know why I wouldn’t because I’m talking to a tree, I’...

Fury of a Million Acorns

Jan 11, 2019
I’ve got a real problem with my nuts. Wait – that didn’t come out right, did it? Acorns, nuts, demon seeds – call them what you will, but I’ve got entirely too many of th...

Operation: Decorate!

Nov 25, 2016
Some folks are out shopping today. Others are still incapacitated from yesterday’s self-imposed turkey and gravy coma. Let them enjoy their savings and their sweet dreams of mashed potatoes an...

Never Enough Storage

Oct 21, 2016
Ten years ago I admittedly wasn’t the biggest fan of suburbia, with its rows and rows of houses that all look exactly the same, and the SUVs and minivans lining every driveway, and the kids̷...

Bamboo’zled

Nov 6, 2015
Bamboo is the fastest-growing plant in the world with certain species able to grow as much as three feet in a single day’s time. While known primarily for its cultural significance throughout A...

I Now Own a Chainsaw

Jul 31, 2015
You’d probably think that I’d be happy … perhaps even excited about this, but I assure you I’m really not. Sure, chainsaws are among the manliest of tools, whether you’...

Scott the Lumberjack

May 24, 2013
Do you know how trees even work?! Do I have to worry about disturbing its delicate tree balance by not taking into account some sort of feng shui or magical forestry voodoo before I make my first cut?...

Cleo vs. The War Zone

Jul 6, 2012
Here she sees it as her #1 job to protect the inhabitants of our house from all outside threats, and yet the thundering booms as sparks fall from the clouds imply that she’s clearly out of her leagu...