..Teppanyaki, that is.
You know, those crazy Japanese dudes that cook your dinner on a giant grill right in front of you while simultaneously entertaining you with Grade A comedy and even the occasional Macarena-dancing shrimp?!
You know the ones I’m talking about…
In retrospect it seems blatantly obvious, but it was only this last weekend when I took my wife out for her birthday that I had the revelation of just how awesome these wok-less wizards truly are. Our plates towering high with delicious mountains of stir-fry more imposing than we could ever possibly hope to consume in a single sitting, we dined alongside another family whose names we didn’t even know, all of us equally mesmerized nonetheless by the dazzling display of culinary comedic mastery that was taking place ever-so-eloquently before us.
Now whether your preference is the steak or the chicken, or even the overly-ambitious chicken & shrimp combination extravaganza that yours truly foolishly opted in vain to attempt, I think if there’s one thing that we can all agree on, it’s that being a Teppanyaki Chef has got to be pretty much the coolest job in the entire world.
Ok, well maybe not as cool as being an astronaut.
…or a ninja…
…but it’s easily still in the top three! Seriously – how many other jobs let you play with knives, fire, and even other people’s food all at the same time?! On top of that, factor in the telling of really bad jokes, singing mildly inaccurate lyrics to old Beach Boys songs while you work, and innocently flirting with pretty much anyone of the opposite sex between the ages of 18 to 80 … talk about an occupation that smells sweeter than the succulent scents of teriyaki sizzling on a steaming hot grill!
Sure, it’s no doubt a little dangerous – sharp knives, hot surfaces, and there’s always the chance that you might get some of the scalding steam from that makeshift onion volcano in your eye, but every awesome job has its precautions – ninjas have to be constantly on the lookout for a deadly shuriken to the head, astronauts worry about running out of oxygen … or the shuttle getting hit by an asteroid … or just getting accidentally forgotten while they’re out on some random space walk. I’m sure even Spider-Man had times where he was scared about falling off the top of the Empire State building, but on the upside … he got to be freaking Spider-Man, so at some point you’ve got to take the good with the bad!
Of course, while there’s not a snowflake’s chance on the grill of a coordinationally-deficient soul like me ever heeding the call of those lightning-quick knives because I have little doubt that it would result in my losing at least two or three digits before even the end of my first shift, fortunately plenty of other fine purveyors of this ancient Japanese art form are out there serving dutifully in restaurants across the country and I can sleep easy at night knowing that when I’m itching for three days worth of teriyaki and an extra large helping of awesome, they’ll always be waiting to whisk me away to their magical world where happiness is only a dancing shrimp away…
Keep living the dream and reaching for the marinated soy sauce, sweet princes.
*I* wish that they could all be Californian Girls, too…