Have YOU ever tried to put one of these things together?!

Gingerbread houses are one of those quintessential icons of these beloved winter holidays, right there alongside happy snowmen and sparkling lights and Christmas cookies piled higher than any one man should ever dare to possibly consume!  I mean, what better way to help transition into Christmastime after a bountiful Thanksgiving feast than by building your own edible encomium of holiday spirit, complete with a Skittle-tiled roof and gumdrop shrubberies?

It seemed like a grand idea to my wife and I, too, as we cleared off the coffee table and cracked open The Official Gingerbread House Kit that she had picked up at the store in between shopping for gifts for her ridiculously spoiled husband, however as we were both quick to learn even before getting royal icing over roughly two-thirds of our living room, building a simple house out of cookies and frosting and assorted candies is a lot tougher than it actually looks!  Here I thought that me eating the construction materials would be the biggest challenge that we would face during our gingerbread humanitarian efforts … who knew that not having a child under the age of 12 on hand to provide their vital, structural insight would prove to be our real sugar-coated downfall???

For some reason kids just seem to have a knack at building this kind of stuff – maybe it’s because their little minds have yet to be inundated with zoning regulations and HOA restrictions and the laws of physics! I mean, you look at our house and it’s honestly a wonder that the thing even stands up at all – the entire structure leans like it would be perfect for someone out of one of those V8 old commercials (“V8 – Keep your diet straight!”), but in all reality, there’s no way this house would ever pass a home inspection. And even if it did, I’m sure that the homeowner’s insurance rates would just be sky high – the place would be a real field day for the Big Bad Wolf, to say the least…

Still, I think some good did come of this brief stint of ours into the world of residential cookie construction in that it gave us some valuable pointers to consider when we’re finally ready to buy our own home in a couple of years.  You know, things like:

  • M&M’s may not necessarily be the safest material to use for a sidewalk, as they look like they could probably get pretty slippery when it rains.
  • Be careful to consider HOA-approved colors when selecting your gumdrop shrubberies.  Also keep in mind that most HOAs have height restrictions, so you’re going to need to keep those beauties trimmed on a regular basis.
  • Probably the most important feature to include with your house?  A door! Because although standing outside admiring your new home can be fun, nothing beats a door for actually going inside…

As for the actual building, whether it involves royal icing or actual nails, maybe it’s best that next time we leave that to the professionals!  In the meantime, though, if anybody needs me I’ll be outside playing electrician as I try to get 10,000 lights working without knocking out power to the rest of the subdivision…