So this is 2010, is it?

I don’t know about you guys, but I guess I just thought it would’ve been, errr, a little flashier, a bit more high tech, maybe just a tad more futuristic. I mean, by now I would’ve hoped that you wouldn’t be so much reading this column off of a digitally-illuminated display as maybe it would be more transmitted into your consciousness telepathically during your morning commute to work on the HyperTrain.  This would take only a matter of seconds, of course, but that’s ok because the entire duration to disassemble, transmit, and then reassemble your entire being before reporting to work at Star Base Alpha is roughly 0.14 * 1011 nanoseconds anyways, so you’d still have time to grab an AM Caffeine Stimulation Packet while finishing up my regularly scheduled hilarity before settling in for a new day of processing immigration variants from the 3rd Quadrant…

But alas here we stand, wading our way into the 21st century and so far we don’t even flying cars yet, much less employment opportunities beyond our own atmosphere!  I don’t want to point any fingers here, but I think our scientists might have their priorities slightly out of whack when they’ve seen fit to bring us the Perfect Brownie Pan Set and Snuggie for Dogs, but we still haven’t wrapped our arms around the concept of intergalactic space travel.  Don’t get me wrong – brownie technology is an important area that deserves its attention, too, but at the end of the day I’d much rather take comfort in the thought of my upcoming vacation to the Sea of Tranquility on the moon than the idea that if I want to bake up a pan of brownies, we now have the technology that allows me to cut the entire pan into perfectly equal pieces in one fell swoop!

Not that a nice, chewy brownie wouldn’t hit the spot right about now…

Nonetheless, I think that the time is right as we stride into this new year today to get those disoriented priorities back on track and cranking full-tilt towards that technological wonderland that the science fiction greats have taunted us with ever since the days when Tom Swift built his first rocket ship and Captain Kirk started beaming down expendable crew members in red shirts to their untimely deaths.  Those scientists have got an awful lot of catching up to do, so being the dedicated science fanboy that I am, I went ahead and put together a little list of the first few projects that they should focus their time on starting out to ensure that we get the biggest bang for our technological buck:

I don’t know about you, but when I think about the future, the first benefit that comes to mind is having someone to wait on me hand and foot. It’s a job that has not been easy to fill here in the modern world, so if it takes some sort of robot to make me sandwiches and clean up around this place, then so be it!

Flying Cars
Ok, so I’ll concede to the fact that we may still be a ways away from just up and teleporting wherever we need to go, but really, the least we can do in the meantime is put all of the rubber and asphalt behind us and take to the skies like the Jetsons were doing 45 years ago!

Call them motorcycles to your flying car, but sometimes a guy just needs a singular form of transportation to make his departure in a truly badass manner, and that’s exactly where the jetpack comes in.  This time if an evil madman tries to take over the world with zeppelins, we’ll be ready…

A Space Hotel On the Moon
Sure, beaches and cruise ships and Disney Worlds are great for the weeklong vacation to relax and unwind, but every once in a while the discerning traveler like myself needs a getaway that’s truly out of this world, and whether we’re talking about lounging around in beach chairs by the Sea of Tranquility or even taking a historical daytrip to the site of the 1969 moon landing, I think the concept of a luxury resort on the surface of Earth’s moon is simply a no-brainer.

Virtual Reality … No, Seriously!
Another fabled invention from the ‘80s that just never quite came to fruition aside from some cheesy glasses, I figured if you guys can’t come up with all of this stuff in real life just yet, maybe you can at least come up with them virtually for us to play with while you buy yourselves some time!  Mark my words, though – we’re not going to wait forever … eventually you’re going to have to deliver on all of this rocket-powered awesomeness.

Come on, science – let’s get with the program!  Don’t make me repeat myself after spending another year driving around on four wheels and making my own sandwiches come 2011…