Seriously, what is it with kids not following directions?!

About two and a half years ago, my first son was born into this world some six weeks early, which presented all sorts of unique challenges that harked one of the first times I’ve uttered the words, “Thank god for insurance!” but apparently that wasn’t enough. Not to be outdone, an even more startling ten weeks early, we just welcomed not one, but two new Sevener boys into the family, so for all I know if we do decide to have any more kids, they might already be here before we have a chance to make the decision!

Repeat after me – we’re not having any more kids, we’re not having any more kids, we’re not having any more kids…

So yes, where were we??? I’m now officially a Dad three times over … how in the world did that happen?!

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get into nitty-gritty – rest assured that the same test tubes and daily hormone injections and team of highly-paid embryologists were involved just like when any other loving family is looking to expand their ranks and chalk up another deduction or two on the old tax return! We’re all adults here – I don’t need to explain to you how babies are made any more than you want to hear me try to explain it again.

Nonetheless, let’s get to the real words of wisdom that I’m here to bestow onto the latest two members of my clan of merry swaddlers…

To David and Matthew … please don’t feel pressured to develop super powers right away, as I’m sure that your wonder twin genetics will reveal their greatness to the world when the time is right for all of us to be amazed.

May you never have to worry about being dressed up in those stereotypical, ridiculous matching outfits … at least as long as you’re under my roof. There’s not much I can do when you spend the night with one of your crazy aunts, though…

May you always have each other’s back when it counts, even if just the day before you got sent to your room for sticking a frog down your brother’s shorts or something.

May you both have relatively tame appetites because I already have no idea how we’re going to feed three boys once you all get to those dreaded teenage years when you’re each eating a cubic foot of cereal and a cow’s worth of milk for breakfast each morning!

May you each grow into unique and intriguing individuals regardless of how much everyone – your parents included – are going to constantly refer to you as The Sevener Twins. I personally will pledge to call you by your correct names by Age 5 at the latest.

May learning be an infectious disease that drives you to understand more about the world around you than your parents’ generation could ever boast, whether you’re interested in baseball or astrophysics or whatever makes bologna taste gross even when you just bought it fresh from the deli twenty minutes ago.

Please not baseball, though…

May your birthdays be filled with magic, your holidays full of delight, and your Mondays at least tolerable unless your wonder twin powers end up being some sort of bizarre adoration for Mondays … in that case, well then good for you.

May you chase every rainbow, and reach for the stars – for all we know, yours could be the first generation to set foot on Mars!

And regardless of rhyming and silly fart jokes, know that I’ll always be here for you through all of life’s chokes, regardless of whether your pets are housebroke – for our family is cool like that, rest assured, okeydoke?

Welcome to the world – David Owen and Matthew Edward Sevener – this is going to be fun! 

But seriously, keep your frogs to yourselves…