I don’t mean to brag, but my life has been pretty awesome for the last six and a half days. 

I can say this because I’ve been on vacation … on a cruise, in fact and we all know that cruise ships are just about the most relaxing places on earth because where else will somebody make your bed as many times as you dirty it throughout the day, and over pour your umbrella-laden drinks for a modest 18% gratuity, and encourage you to have yet another lobster tail for dinner despite growing concerns that you might actually turn into a lobster yourself before the trip is through?!

There are a lot of things that make cruising superior to just hanging out on boring, old land like a chump, and because I’ve had nothing but glorious free time on my hands over the last week, I’ve put together this short list of why they’re going to have to drag me off this boat kicking and screaming once we finally get back to dry land again…

  • I haven’t stepped on a single Lego all week since I set foot onboard. 
  • Two words – no responsibilities. Ten more words – except for eating, drinking, sleeping, and the occasional limbo competition. 
  • Traffic congestion on a cruise ship is limited to people who don’t understand elevator etiquette … which admittedly is still more than I’d like to encounter. 
  • A simple Do Not Disturb sign has proven to be 100% effective at keeping people from barging into my bedroom and jumping on the bed at 5:30am. 
  • The guy who folds our towels at home couldn’t make a towel animal to save his life … because that guy is me. 
  • The only award-winning performance at my house is when we make it through an entire meal without the dog stealing something off of one of the kids’ plates. 
  • The worst days so far on this cruise have comprised of mild sunburn and having to wait a minute and a half for somebody to refill the cocktail shrimp on the buffet line. 
  • The calming sounds and gentle rocking of the ocean waves are such a better way to unwind at the end of the day than delivering even more milk and goldfish crackers to a toddler who seriously should’ve been asleep hours ago!
  • Never ever running out of hot water in the shower truly is the ultimate secret to a happy marriage.
  • And lastly, even when I heard a crying baby onboard, I wasn’t expected to do a thing about it … because it wasn’t mine … because I’m not crazy enough to bring a baby on a cruise in the first place!