It’s just not fair, I tell ya! I’ve been watching that same squirrel out the window for nearly an hour now, running and frolicking and doing all sorts of other things that squirrels do when they’re taunting somebody that sits in an office all day. Today would be the perfect day to fly a kite or play a rousing game of Frisbee with friends, or even just sit on the beach with a good book, waves crashing peacefully against the shore, bikini-clad honeys whistling their cat-calls at the sexy writer enjoying his day of solitude! Yeah, that would be pretty nice, but instead I’m stuck here, envying a squirrel…

…and I’d be willing to bet that many of you, in fact, are envying squirrels yourselves, too…except those of you who happen to work in high-rises – maybe you’re resenting a flock of nearby birds or something? Whatever your grievance, however, one thing remains certain – it seems like we’d all rather be just about anywhere else than work, and not just in the normal, “I hate my job because my boss is a jerk”-manner! The weather is absolutely beautiful outside, enough to entice even the pastiest of us computer geeks to trek beyond the warm, reassuring glow of our monitors and check out this whole outdoors-thing for ourselves, so the big question remains – how do we get us a piece of that fantastic summer excitement?

Fortunately for all of you stuck behind a desk in desperate search of the answer, I have literally hours upon hours each and every day to spend contemplating such quandaries while I’m at work myself, so it seemed only fitting that I share some of the better ideas that I came up with here today. Now mind you, I take no responsibility for anything that may happen to your employment status by trying any of these ideas on your own, so play at your own risk! Of course, any boss that doesn’t allow you to have even just a little bit of fun, especially during this time of year, is a gigantic wiener who doesn’t deserve your services anyways, but we won’t even venture down that road as it’s no doubt seen plenty of traffic already! So without further a due, Scott’s Ultimate List of Ways to Beat the Heat and Enjoy Some Fun in the Sun at Work…Hopefully Without Getting Fired… (in no particular order)

  1. Take casual Friday and kick it up a notch – considering just how much more productive wearing jeans to work really makes everyone, simply get together with everyone else and adapt the dress code to include flip-flops, goofy hats, and Hawaiian print shirts. What are they going to do – fire all of you?!
  2. Host a no-holds-barred, garbage can basketball tournament – depending on the skill level of your players, this could last for days or even weeks. Encourage spectators to get in on the action by starting gambling pools, spirit rallies, and post-game victory parties!
  3. Redecorate the office to resemble someplace you’d rather be – palm trees and shrubberies, maybe a fountain or even a waterfall, and don’t forget the wildlife…all wonderful distractions from the regularly chaotic hell that beckons your presence for fifty hours a week. (TIP: cover anything that you don’t want to end up cleaning later – bird shit is a mess to get out of carpet…)
  4. Hone your skills in the art of origami, feng shui, bonsai, or any other fancy Japanese word – we’ve yet to note any actual benefits from incorporating any of these bizarre hobbies, but just mentioning the name is sure to sound impressive at parties, right?
  5. Two words: bug ranch – you’ve probably already got all sorts of pests crawling around the place anyways, so why not have a little fun with them? Give ‘em all names, design challenges and games for them to compete in, and don’t forget to charge admission! Wasn’t this how Walt Disney got his start?
  6. Just don’t bother going to work altogether – back in high school we called it hookey, but even today everybody deserves an unannounced day off now and then, right?! It’ll be good for the boss to actually have to do something for a change and the beach never looks as good as when you’re not technically allowed to be there…

Of course, there is one last option, but I’ve gotta tell you that even the most ambitious of squirrels get boring after a while! Nothing against the Sciuridae family, nor any of the other related mammals for that matter, but there’s just nothing like actually enjoying it yourself, so put the phone down, step away from the computer, and go outside, even if it’s just for fifteen minutes – I’ll cover for ya!