Don’t worry – no need to worry about me breaking into song, though – I might even be so bold as to say that it’s even too hot for the boogie-woogie down here in these parts.
I don’t think that people really realize just how blazingly hot the State of Florida gets during the summer, and when I say blazingly hot, understand that we’re actually talking more along the lines of a mind-numbing, sweltering, melt the sandals right off your feet kind of hot that leaves no witnesses and never forgets to brush and floss before it goes to bed at night! And while I may not get much sympathy from readers in the Northern states, not to mention those who are still dissecting that last sentence in hopes of figuring out the whole “flossing thing,” anyone who has ever found themselves sweating after they step out of the shower has a pretty good idea what I’m talking about…
Last year, I feverishly remember my air conditioner being out for nearly three days during the summer and I do believe that I was officially pronounced dead at one point throughout the ordeal – mind you, that’s an entirely different column altogether, but still, just to get my point across … it gets really bloody hot down here in Florida!
Would you look at that? Even so much that it’s got this writer typing in an English accent, which leads me to wonder just exactly what we have to look forward to next as the plagues of summer are cast down from the heavens upon us! Hordes of flying sea monkeys ravaging the land, vacationers from out-of-town preying upon eateries big and small across the town, partially-cloudy skies to subtly make our beach days slightly less optimal for tanning than before – where does the madness end?!
It really all comes down to the fact that when it’s this blistering hot outside, there really is no recourse other than to stay inside, which although may seem like a bit of a copout to those of you who personally know Frosty the Snowman and find yourselves getting all the more tired of his crass and ever-expanding vocabulary after about the seventh month of his stay in your community, is simply a necessary evil that we’re all just going to have to deal with in due consideration…and here from my climate-controlled, air-conditioned freezer of an apartment smack dab in the middle of paradise, I – for one – pledge to do my part!
Popsicles and ice cream and enough slurpees to give Albert Einstein the brain-freeze of a lifetime in the winter, followed by cookouts and Swedish meatballs and hot chocolate in the summer – there may not be any snow to shovel down here in the tropics, but I’ll do what I can to offer up as much understanding as I can muster! In the meantime, however, if you wouldn’t mind sending Mr. Snowman in my general direction to show your own understanding, I would certainly appreciate it!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check my thermostat again…