It’s by far one of the most horrendous situations imaginable – the kind that breaks up families and disrupts social hierarchies. Some theories even suggest that it was this very same type of cataclysmic even that drove the dinosaurs into extinction a couple of hundred million years ago, and if you ask me, them lizards got off easy…

Bearing an origin that makes them damn near untraceable, somehow the term “silent but deadly” just doesn’t quite cut it for me. Perhaps something more along the lines of “earth-shattering, yet whisper-quiet” or “a modest biblical climax” would be a bit more appropriate, but regardless of what we’re going to dub them, one thing’s for sure – there’s simply no preparing for them, and yet there’s really no stopping them, either…so what are the rest of us normal people to do?! Well, over the years biologists and humorists have pooled their own resources to provide insightful, yet hilarious analysis on how to deal with such phenomenon…below you will find another example of such.

Before we begin, a word to the wise – the research conducted to reach the conclusions discussed below was done so under the most strict of safety precautions – please do not attempt to recreate any of these situations in your own daily life, for I will certainly not be held responsible for any consequences…

To bring any stragglers up to speed that we may have somehow eluded up to this point with such evasive imagery, of course we are talking about the uncomfortable bodily function known throughout the world as flatulence. While I won’t go into the descriptive specifics with regards to exactly how this quivering gas is ushered into existence, I should however note that contrary to popular belief, we humans aren’t the only creatures capable of such travesty…so don’t X old Fido out of the equation just yet! They come in all shapes, sizes, and unfortunately sometimes even colors, but enough of what they are, let’s finally deal with, well, how to deal with them! Get your pencils ready…

Of course, before we can ever expect to cope with such an impact ourselves, it’s of the utmost importance to take a step back from the situation and assess the damages. Mind you, this could range anywhere from only a slight discoloration of the air immediately around the originator all the way up to and including complete and total nuclear holocaust. While I certainly would hope that nobody should ever experience such a force beyond nature, well, let’s just say that it actually happens much more often that most would like to admit! Also, from time to time, these events have also been known to travel in numbers, if you know what I mean…

Once we know what exactly we’re dealing with, however, then we’re finally able to decide what – if anything – there is that we can actually do about it! Sadly, as prevention continues to lie more in a self-service environment, we’re really only collectively able to deal with the aftermath, and really, that’s ok. It wouldn’t exactly be very safe for us to intrude upon that territory anyways, as a select few men and women have effectively lost their livelihoods exercising this same idea. Nope, instead we must do what we can to confine the area to prevent further contamination and then also determine whether it is still profitable to attempt to “cleanse” the area of such rankness, or simply move onward to bigger and better places. Unfortunately, in situations where there are no easily accessible doors or windows, the later may very well be our only hope.

Of course, after cleansing or abandoning the area in question, many might well believe that the next step should be to root out the source and prevent any future encounters…and to many, this is the last mistake that they ever have a chance to make! We must remember that those behind events such as these are traditionally loose cannons and their behaviors cannot, if anything, be predicted – you might very well be walking into your own death trap! No, instead we follow the simple reminder that, “Oh my God – how could he not know that he just did that?!” and leave it at that. Believe you me, although we’d like to confront these creatures and make the allegations, it’s just not worth the loss of further lives…

And that, my friends, is the first step of the game. I hope that today’s discussion, while brief and primarily an overview, still provides you with a rudimentary knowledge of what your options might be should something go bump in the night in all of the wrong ways. The steps I’ve outlined above should in no means be considered your only options, however, and if any doubt prevails, do follow your gut and obtain a second (or even third) opinion before taking any chances that you might not necessarily be ready to take. An encounter such as this doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of the world, but for further arguments against that theory, I might suggest a bit of conversation with our good friend, the Tyrannosaurus…

For more information about flatulence, farting and its impact on the environment around you, and also ways that you can help to raise awareness about said events mentioned here today, please feel free to point your favorite Internet search engine in the direction of any of these keywords or simply consult your local library.

Together, we can make a difference!!!