Well, now that that’s over, let’s all just take a deep breath and try to move on!

I know that this particular holiday season was somewhat of a stressful one. It’s amazing how presents and food and decorations and family can all be welcome treats to your life one by one, and yet still somehow manage to cause copious amounts of stress when they’re all piled on top of each other like the ingredients of the new Quadruple-Decker Artery-Clogger from McRonalds. And don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas like a new pair of socks or a freshly baked batch of chocolate chip cookies, but still, after that much chaotic caroling, it’s also understandable for a bit of relief to be sighed when all is said and done…

So here we are, only a few days left in 2007, with 2008 right on our doorstep. Now is the time for life planning and resolution making and the generous knocking back of cocktails…at least on New Years Eve, anyways…for in only a few days we’re about to be given a fresh start. A new hand will be dealt, and it’s up to you whether to raise the stakes, go double down, or do some other poker term that I’m unaware of because I have better things to do than watch other people play poker on TV at three o’clock in the morning.

Nonetheless, 2008 is going to be a whole new ballgame and I think we’re going to see some pretty interesting happenings over the next twelve months. Just how interesting??? Well, funny you should ask…

Scott’s 2008 New Years Predictions…

  • Santa Claus will find an extra bag of toys laying around that he mistakenly forgot to deliver earlier this week and head back out for another run in early January, thus fulfilling this child at heart’s Christmas List with the much-coveted Nintendo Wii.
  • A mere three months into the new year, I will accomplish what no other man has by not only attaining all of my new years resolutions already, but also choosing new and even harder resolutions and meeting those goals as well. By March 31st, I will be the wealthiest, most physically fit, hilarious guy on the planet, and I will owe it all to the magic of Oreo cookies.
  • This upcoming $600 economic stimulus check from Uncle Sam will solve all of my financial problems.
  • A potato chip or cookie company will woo me with their greatest culinary creations ever, then promptly break my heart into a thousand, million pieces six months later by pulling every last one of them from the shelves of my local grocer.
  • Gasoline prices won’t really be much of a concern anymore because the big three automakers in Detroit will join forces to revolutionize American transportation with a complex system of monorails, hovercrafts, and teleportation units.
  • Paramount will come to its senses and decide not to commit yet another tragedy of the silver screen by canceling the upcoming release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The rest of the film industry will learn from this bold gesture and begin hiring writers to create original scripts once again.
  • My wedding planning will take a turn for the better when I’m informed that I’ll only need to work three extra jobs in order to pay it off before I die.
  • FOX will churn out the most ridiculous reality show ever, this time involving Playboy playmates who challenge each other to rousing games of checkers, backgammon, and other nostalgic favorites. It will be FOX’s most successful reality show to date.
  • The 2008 Summer Olympics will occur in Beijing. Other than costing me two weeks of TV time, I will not care.
  • Google will dominate the election and become the first search engine to be elected President of the United States. YouTube will be its quirky, but lovable Vice President. Yahoo! will inquire about running Google Adsense on its site to try to raise a little beer and pizza money.
  • In a last blunder of the season-like move, President Bush will pardon the annual turkey for Thanksgiving and then immediately deploy the bird to Iraq for Operation: Freedom Feast.
  • After consuming unhealthy quantities of eggnog and gingerbread, yours truly will repurpose this idea next year in an effort to crank out an easy column so that I can get back to my annual Christmas holiday detox.