The wedding did, in fact, end up turning out great! Everything went moderately close to how we had planned, we got to spend some well-deserved time hanging out with Mickey Mouse on our honeymoon, and the whole thing didn’t end up costing us $700 billion in the process! Close, but really, when it all comes down to it, who can put a price on Wall Street or the most important day of your life, anyways?

Now whether we end up paying off our loans before or after Wall Street’s beast of a bailout, that could still go either way, but at least we can say that we got a cool cake and some hot honeymoon sex out of ours…

So seriously, folks – what’d I miss?! I’ve been “fortunate” enough to have been sheltered from the rest of the world for the last two weeks by having nervous breakdowns inside of other nervous breakdowns encompassing everything from sand sculptures to bar tabs to last-minute vow writing, so assuming that the rest of the world didn’t just take a break while the Missus and I went and made it official, what’ve we got to catch up on? Anyone else get bailouts that I should know about? Did McCain go and invite a wild monkey to serve in the latest high-ranking position in his campaign? How many more, like, totally embarrassing things has Sarah Palin managed to blurt out about herself, the State of Alaska, and whatever it is she believes that the Vice President actually does this week?

Yeah, yeah – good point … no time to go through them all, but if the humor industry still serves us well, at least we can look forward to a 2009 Daily You Betcha! calendar to bring back those charming, old memories of an only mildly disturbing time in election history when we, the people, for a few brief months actually entertained the thought of electing a homeroom mother to the second highest office in all the land…

You know, the funny thing is that although technically I’ve been more or less off the grid for a good two or three weeks now, you’d think that here – especially smack dab in the middle of election season – there’d be all sorts of late-breaking news for yours truly to catch up on, requiring hours upon hours of slaving over newspapers and TiVO recommendations and the Interweb, but frankly, looking back it’s almost as if you all just up and went on our honeymoon with us. Which don’t get me wrong, is cool and all, although it’d have been nice if you’d given us a heads up in advance so that we could’ve all gotten together as a family for some late afternoon tea and crumpets or whatever, but still, aside from some plumber dude spouting his mouth off about how tough it will be to be a plumber under an Obama administration, despite the fact that he’s not actually a plumber even under the current administration, and of course a couple more hilarious Saturday Night Live clips of Tina Fey impersonating a moose or something, it’s really been pretty much all quiet on the western front…

And you know what? The more I think about it now, I guess in all actuality I really owe you all a big thank-you – a thank-you for dialing things back a bit over the last couple of weeks so that I would be able to enjoy my honeymoon without worrying about who said what about Maverickism or which Vice Presidential candidate was invited out by Vice President Cheney for a little informal passing of the buckshot bonding time. Instead I was able to just sit back, relax with my new wife, and cry myself to sleep at night wondering just how long it’s going to take us to pay off our beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime wedding, and I want you to know that deep down, I appreciate that.