Might I have just a moment of your time?
I think we might’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, on account of me sticking mine in your door when you tried to slam it in my face the other day when I came knocking to offer you a wide variety of products to make your life better in every possible way. It hadn’t occurred to me that you would’ve been trying to enjoy dinner with your family at the six o’clock hour, however I suppose I could’ve thought to ask about that the last time I called your house at 8:45pm on a school night.
I guess I just want you to know that I’m not really a bad person, albeit from the names that people have called me and the various footwear that’s been thrown in my general direction, you might’ve gotten the impression otherwise. The truth of the matter is, I’m really just looking out for you because over the years I’ve seen a lot of cleaning products and travel packages and hair restoration programs come and go, and frankly each and every one of them was absolute crap, but I wanted to reach out to you today because recently there have been some really amazing advances in cleaning/travel/hair plug technology and just between you and me, I’ve got a very special opportunity that I’d like to share with you today…
Now please try not to get too audibly excited because this very special offer isn’t something that I can give to everyone, but you seem like a smart guy … plus, you haven’t called your dogs on me yet, and I appreciate that. A lot of other people who I’ve tried to share this great deal with earlier today didn’t offer me the same courtesy that you have thus far today, resorting to nasty names and threats of physical violence because apparently they simply weren’t interested in these amazing savings. One lady even turned her hose on me and told me to “quit leaving my crap in her doorway when she wasn’t home,” but I don’t take that kind of thing personally because I’m sure she was just having a bad day and probably mistook me for somebody else. Besides, later on that evening I drove back by and left a pamphlet at her front door, so hopefully she’ll come around tomorrow when she’s in a better mood!
I don’t want to take up too much of your time because I know that your time is valuable, but then again, so are these savings and you know what they say – when life gives you savings, that’s a really good thing. And what’s also a really good thing is going to be just how clean pretty much everything in your world is going to be after you buy this product – it’s going to make going on that cruise with your brand-new hair all the sweeter! I know, I know – it sounds just too good to be true, and if you need a moment to take a deep breath and gather yourself while I scribble up this paperwork, then that’s perfectly ok. Just remember, right now you’re only $79.95 away from greatness, and I can take any major credit cards that you’ve got!
What’s that? Your wife is yelling something about “those stupid solicitors who keep bothering us at all hours of the day and night?!”
Well, I’ll tell you what – I’ve actually got to get going … you know how it is, lots of people to bother, lots of money to scam … but how about I just leave this flier with you to read later and you can give me a call sometime when your wife is out of earshot?
Don’t worry, I’ll be in touch…