• Alarm clocks
  • Unexpected late night telephone calls
  • Days when the lawn guy comes super early and proceeds to run his weed-whacker right outside my bedroom window

In general, I pretty much loathe anything that wakes me up prior to when I’m actually ready to slink out of bed and begin my day.  It probably wouldn’t be entirely out of line to suggest that I can be kind of a grouch in the mornings otherwise – I’ve got plenty of friends and family who would no doubt be more than willing to testify for that allegation!  If I had it my way, “morning” wouldn’t technically even begin until 10:30 or 11:00am, and sure, that would mean that McDonald’s would have to serve their breakfast menu until something like three or four o’clock in the afternoon, but hey, in my perfect world, McGriddles would be available 24 hours a day, anyways…

Regardless, by now you’re probably all well aware that said sleepy time practices from here to Hoboken were thus thrown for a loop last Sunday when once again we were lambasted with the laborious consideration that is Daylight Savings Time. Just like, well, clockwork, time keeping apparatuses the world round leaped over the two o’clock hour like it never even happened, and just like magic, 1:59am became 3:00am.

…at least unless you have one of those older clocks that doesn’t have the date built into it, so you have to update it yourself, which is always a real pain because you can never remember which button combination changes the clock and end up messing with your alarm presets instead…

Now I know that I’m not the only guy who feels this passionate about such blatant chronological thievery, which is why I implore you all today to join me as we denounce and reject this alleged prospect of Saving Daylight in the only way we know … by simply refusing not to do it.  What are they going to do – say that all of us are late?!  I, for one, am tired of Big Government pushing all of us little stop watchers around like our perception of space and time doesn’t mean anything – you can’t just change the time once or twice a year whenever you feel like it!  If you’ve grown accustomed to a time like 4:27am, you can’t just move the clocks forward so that it’s 4:27am … you have to wait until it’s actually that time just like everybody else!  Just because you move the little hand ahead an hour doesn’t actually make it so…

Of course, you understand this as reasonable, well-rounded individuals of above-average intelligence and commendable senses of humor, and I understand this as your faithful host on this essential, anti-time traveling crusade of the utmost importance, and frankly, that might just have to be enough for now.  Let them gallivant around town in their Range Rovers and SUVs thinking that it’s just about time for that afternoon latte, but we’ll know the truth that it’s still on the tail end of the lunchtime rush.   We’ll know that they’re all actually getting up an hour earlier than necessary to make all of their important business meetings and after-work social hours at the bar, all the while who will be the ones sitting back with all of the time in the world?!

That’s right – us.

It’s going to be a long and arduous road ahead between now and November 7th, my fellow time warriors, but stay strong and always hold those precious hours near.  They may attempt to spring forward and oddly later then fall back, but they’ll never take our time!