I’ve never really been known as a particularly tidy individual.

No doubt my parents can attest to the well known fact that a misplaced Lego is just about the worst thing that the bottom of one’s foot can discover in the middle of the night, and also that it’s a real pain in the butt to get Play Doh out of your brand new carpet.  The problem only worsened as I grew older and moved into my own apartment, which I was virtually free to clutter to my heart’s content, with only the scolding of the occasional girlfriend or out of town guest to guilt me into picking up my toys … and now that I’ve got an entire house of my very own to spread my general lack of cleanliness around?!

Forget about it – Mr. Clean ain’t never seen a single solitary moment of this guy’s precious time!

The thing is, it’s not that I necessarily enjoy living in a state of constant disarray like some adult-sized Oscar the Grouch in his house-sized trashcan, it’s just that at the end of the day when all is said and done, I’m inherently an extraordinarily lazy person and … well, I guess that’s pretty much about it!  I live my life by the mantra of, “Meh, I’ll do it later…” with later ranging anywhere from when pigs fly to when hell freezes over to even my very own personal favorite – when parachute pants finally make their long-deserved comeback and I can crack open that mystery box from the back of my closet without fear of retribution via mockery from my very closest of friends and family…

Now that would be rad!

Maybe if there just weren’t so many other things that I’d rather be doing than cleaning at any given moment – pretty much anything, really!!! 

Sure, I could take an hour and dust around the living room, but what about all of those episodes of Hardcore Pawn that are taking up valuable recording space on our DVR?

True, the bathroom counter really could use a good wipe down – no argument there, but is it worth the cost of not reorganizing my Lego Minifigures before the new series comes out next week??

And yes, the floors around here have literally never been vacuumed since we moved into this house more than a year ago, but let’s be honest – level 49 of Angry Birds certainly isn’t going to beat itself and at this rate if I don’t really hunker down and put in the extra effort, neither will I!!!

Besides, even if I do reprioritize these vitally important tasks in my daily routine so that I’ve got some time to scrub away in the bathroom or dust til I drop pretty much everyplace else … in just a few short weeks, what am I gonna have to show for it?!  Nothing!  No matter how much elbow grease and sunshine I put into cleaning, it’s only a matter of time before it all comes back with an unholy vengeance and if there’s one thing I hate more than cleaning, it’s cleaning the same thing more than once!

It’s not right, and I refuse to participate in a system that has me perpetually mopping the same floor over and over again just because time is a jerk when it comes to the removal of dirt and grime.  In fact, I want to implore all of you to throw your arms up in disgust at these archaic chores we call cleaning, for we’ve all got better stuff to do, or at the very least we’ve got other stuff to do, and we can’t be mucking about, dusting the same antique, hardwood credenzas every couple of weeks when there’s reality TV and general miscellaneous ridiculousness out there on the Internet just waiting for our clicks…

Just something to think about, folks … or I suppose you could always just keep on scrubbing and dusting and mopping and putting things away week after tedious week like a mindless zombie who’s not nearly lazy enough for his own good!  It’s up to you, really, but I, for one, would much rather spend my time doing just about anything that doesn’t involve rags and cleaning supplies and excessive amounts of elbow grease on my behalf.

Have fun with that mop if you must, but remember, I’ll be right over here playing Angry Birds when the fumes wear off and you finally come to your senses…