Being a parent of twins is a lot like being a parent of only one child, except that when you’re seeing double from lack of sleep the results are exponentially terrifying…

That said, even with these newborn twins that I recently added to my clan now officially being home occasionally sleeping in their own beds, I’ve already managed to learn by force quite a bit about caring for twins that I hadn’t really thought about during my previous service in raising their now slightly older and more apt to fling yogurt around the house brother.

Between all of the dual feedings and dual diaper changes and dual adorable photo poses like the one attached to this column, what can I say – parenting twins is exhausting, in a partially awesome kind of way!

• Most people tend to have the same reaction when you tell them that you just had twins, typically being some variant of, “Whoa…” followed by an analogy about the ridiculous amount of food that our family is going to go through when they get older.
• That said, within two weeks of their birth I had already purchased a new freezer specifically dedicated to the storage of breastmilk, so apparently older is already here!
• Simple math tells us that two stinky diapers > 1 stinky diaper, however mathematics is still unable to explain what in the world these children are eating that makes their poop come out green.
• I used to think that packing the car for a trip with one child was crazy, however I’m now seriously thinking about getting my CDL for the 55-foot semi trailer that family vacations in our future are going to require.
• If you’re really lucky, sometimes you can catch the first crying baby before he manages to wake up the second. If you’re unlucky, it’s best to start working on your baby juggling skills while they’re still young and pliable.
• One of my twins sounds kind of like a cat when he cries, which is weird. His brother, on the other hand, sounds like somebody just gifted him Baby’s First Bullhorn and he’s forever anxious to try that sucker out!
• There have admittedly been times at three in the morning when my wife and I are each feeding one of the twins and neither of us honestly know which one we’re holding … and they’re just going to have to be ok with that.
• The new double stroller that we bought for our twins is so big that there’s pretty much a 100% chance of someone holding doors open for me when I’m pushing it … which is admittedly kind of nice!
• It takes a lot of nerve to pause for a good yawn when you’re in the middle of crying, yet babies seem to pull this stunt all the time!
• Baby headbutts hurt twice as much when there are twice as many heads to do the butting.