Relationships are great, aren’t they? Don’t get me wrong – I may rant on and on about how much love sucks and that we’re all destine to die afraid and alone, wallowing in our own little private puddles of desolate misery, but when the sun comes up the next day and I’m awakened by the chirping of the songbirds outside my window as they forge for nourishment while basking in the glory of all that nature presents, I can’t help but thinking one thing – that must’ve been some good sex last night because otherwise that bird would’ve been dead three chirps ago! Yep, that’s one great thing about being in love – the sex is amazing AND you don’t have to beg for it (at least not all the time) – but wait, there’s so much more…

When you’re in love, even the most mundane of events in your daily life seem exciting and full of passion. Think about it – guys, did you even consider cleaning that nasty pizza stain out of the carpet in your apartment when your buddies were coming over later that afternoon? No, not a chance – in fact, when Mom and Dad flew in for your graduation, your best idea was to throw a rug over it, but when she decided to pay a visit that evening, I’d be willing to bet on Mr. Clean’s bald head that you were down on those hands and knees scrubbing like you’ve never scrubbed before…which actually isn’t that far from the truth…because let’s face it, chicks are typically grossed out by nasty pizza stains and grossed out chicks don’t tend to stick around, now do they? A labor of love or even just a small piece of sex insurance – either way, that stain was getting pretty disgusting!

Of course, the ladies go through the same types of things – take your own personal appearance, for example. It’s common knowledge that women spend hours upon hours…upon hours primping and curling their hair, applying their make-up, and choosing exactly the right outfit for any given occasion (…matching, color-coordinated, and in theme!) – it obviously takes a lot of time and effort to look that drop-dead gorgeous, especially on a school night, but they do it anyway. Rumors even have it that some parts are downright painful – you’d never catch me dribbling hot wax anywhere near my privates – yet thousands of strong and caring women continue to go through these most tedious tortures for one specific reason. That’s right, they do all of this just so that we’ll have sex with them. Ok, so that and maybe a little friendly competition between their peers, too, but as far as I know, it’s mostly for the sex…

But seriously, not only does love make you do things that you normally couldn’t care less about, it also opens up the doorway to a whole new list of things that you actually enjoy doing now, simply because you don’t feel like as much of a weirdo standing in line for The Zipper when you’ve got someone else along with you to share the weirdo-dom. Suddenly you’re looking forward to taking long walks through the park without getting mugged (hey – you’re in love: you don’t have any money anyways!), and going to the dentist because you’ve finally got someone other than Uncle Larry to drive you home afterwards, and you even look forward to washing the dog after she’s spent the entire afternoon rolling in the mud and eating her own poop, just because you can do it together! (Ok, maybe that one was pushing it just a little…)

When people are truly in love, even the little things seem that much more special – things that seem so simple that just the thought causes us single, lonely folk to burst out in tears in the supermarket line and unload a twenty-minute summary of emotional problems onto an unsuspecting checkout girl during the busy streak, eventually summoning security to beat us back into reality with those foam bats. You know, things like picking up her favorite cookbook in said checkout lane, or washing his car while he’s out of town without getting in an accident and racking up a $600 repair bill, or bringing each other lunch at work, making certain to remember the brown paper bags so that the boss can’t tell exactly what’s been keeping you so flamboyant and peppy all afternoon! Indeed, it may very well be the little things that count after all…

Unfortunately for some of us, however, love often has that nasty habit of growing sour and rancid, if you will, and some of these juicy points become less and less desirable, even routine and boring, as the relationship continues. Eventually the passions begin to fade and the cute sounds and googly eyes are replaced with behind-the-back chuckling and snide remarks – enough to make a man think that she’s not finding that bulbous ass of his nearly as sexy and alluring as when she first introduced him to the miracle that is Ben and Jerry’s Triple Chocolate Chunk only months before. I’ve even heard of the situation drifting so badly that upon venturing to the store for more shampoo or conditioner, men will actually find themselves yearning for that incredibly hot, orgasmic chick in the Herbal Essences commercials rather than their own mate! Granted, this is a particularly isolated, yet nonetheless extreme, case in and of itself, but guys – when you find your lady grocery shopping seven or eight times a week because her interests in the frozen foods section have been influenced by a certain Captain Ahab of the fish-stick variety, it might be time for the two of you to sit down and have a little heart to heart!

So what exactly is the key to keeping your loving relationship fresh and alive? Sure, I could go on and on, revealing all of my secrets, but then you’d have no reason to rush out and purchase a copy of my upcoming bestseller, Luring That Special Someone into Your Heart…Without the Use of Handcuffs, Bribery, or Even Brute Force! Look for it high atop that infamous list in the New York Times later this spring, sandwiched in-between Dr. Atkins’ most recent self-help pamphlet, When Starving Yourself is Your Last Hope… and Dr. Ruth’s fully-illustrated new teen hit, So You Find Yourself Aroused By the Family Cat…. Until then, just remember that love is a beautiful thing, every moment spent with your partner is special, and most of the chicks in those shampoo commercials are faking it anyways…

May all of your relationships be full of love, happiness, and most of all – lots of the little things…hopefully, one of those little things being sex!