Looking back, it was one of those conversations that really could’ve gone either way! The setting was your typical, lazy Sunday afternoon during which my girlfriend and I had spent the better part of the day just laying around, swapping stories and enjoying the peace and quiet. As we’re both quite fond of the entire act of eating in general, we eventually transcended into a back-and-forth of “What’s your favorite ________?” and it was then that I was introduced to her “Better Than Sex” list…

Now of course, right off the bat, the first thing to cross one’s mind when discovering that his girlfriend has even spent a considerable amount of time constructing such a list is, “Uh oh…what’s that say about our sex life?! If a bag of Doritos is out performing yours truly in the boudoir, we’ve got problems!!!” Nonetheless, she quickly reassured me that it wasn’t intended to be taken personally…at least not most of the time…and as we continued to talk and she unveiled her own list of sweet spots, I began to formulate a list of my own in the back of my head. A corn chip here, a dollop of whipped cream there – a new project had been born! Seeing just how much effort she’d put into her own list, I knew that it was something that I could have a good time with and besides, it never hurts to have a backup plan should you come home one night to find your lady passed out on the bed in a fit of passion, a delicate blend of nacho cheese and cool ranch flavor covering her fingers!

Mind you, when creating such a bold list as to say that the consumption of a specific food would be even comparable to having sex, you’ve got to be very picky and sometimes favorites must be thrown to the wayside for the greater cause. For example, I really enjoy the TGI Friday’s Chili Cheese Tater Skins found at any convenience store, but when given the choice between a bowl of tater skins and a generous helping of that sweet, sweet lovin’, I must profess that I’m still going for the latter every single time – even if I haven’t eaten in two weeks, even if there’s a big sign overhead explaining that this will be the last batch of Chili Cheese Tater Skins ever created. I like potatoes, but come on…

I do have to admit that I ran into this scenario with just about every potential item to appear on my list – call me just your average, run-of-the-mill, horny guy, if you must – and eventually I decided that it would be necessary to make a few modifications to the rules if ever I was to make any progress with my own list. And thus, Scott’s Almost Better Than Sex List was born! Not only does it incorporate all of my favorites without discrimination, but it also serves to maintain the notion that there should be no worries about a bowl of Frosted Flakes taking precedence over my sex life! Sorry Tony, but your cereal isn’t the only thing that’s “Gr-r-reat!”

Scott’s Almost Better Than Sex List…

· Cadbury Caramel Crème Eggs – Throw all of your other Easter candy in the river, as far as I’m concerned…I only need one thing in my basket!

· BBQ-Honey Chicken Wings from O’Hana at Disney’s Polynesian Resort – Although not usually a big advocate of the chicken wing, few things have touched my palate that even come close to comparing to these delightful appetizers! My recommendations – don’t even bother eating anything else the day of your reservations…

· Maple Fudge – Another delicacy from Walt Disney World, this one found in the Main Street Confectionary at the Magic Kingdom (and other fine candy stores), out of all the flavors in that wondrous display case, the maple simply takes the cake.

· Maple Sugar Candy – Close, but still different from the fudge in my book, these tiny favorites are best found in any of a number of small candy stores across Northern Michigan – melts in your mouth, perfect for Christmas morning!

· Conch Sandwich with Authentic Key Lime Mayonaise – Straight from the islands, if it’s not from the Everglades or farther south, it’s just not the same. Jimmy Buffett would have nothing less when skipping through the Keys…

· Made-Rite Sweet-BBQ Ridged Potato Chips – Another treat from Northern Michigan, I have yet to find a potato chip that tastes as good as these – so good that it’s not uncommon for me to request that visitors bring a bag with them when making the trip…

· Peanut-Butter Truffles Shaped Like Mickey Mouse – Surprise! Can you believe it, a third treat from Disney to grace “the list”?! Well, truth be told, I could probably make an entire separate list just for the Mouse himself, but even then, these yummy, better than peanut butter cups found exclusively at the Beverly Sunset candy store inside Disney’s MGM Studios…

· Shrimp Gumbo from the House of Blues – And would you guess, it’s not on the menu anymore, either?! Why is it that as soon as I start groovin’ on an entrée around here, it’s suddenly stricken from the face of the Earth???

· Reese’s Fast Break – The official candy bar of Scott’s Almost Better Than Sex List, this little work of genius combines my favorite peanut butter, nougat and creamy milk chocolate into one truly delicious cross-country snack! Not necessarily in the shape of Mickey Mouse (see above), but still pretty damn good…

Scott’s Almost Better Than Sex List – the Honorable Mentions…

· Papa Johns Pizza – Although they don’t have a single, specific menu item that tops the list, I knew that I had to fit Papa Johns in here somewhere because they’re always my first choice when ordering out for pizza.

· The BIG Oreo – Not even made anymore, these were available during my childhood and I’ve longed for the nostalgia that only a 2000-calorie cookie can provide! What ever happened to these things, anyways?!

· An Assortment of Twix – Today only the caramel variety remains and I honestly think that our children are needlessly suffering because of this! My generation had Peanut-Butter Twix, Caramel Twix, Cookies & Cream Twix, and Fudge Twix and look how we turned out…

· A Good BBQ Pork Sandwich – Never you mind that a good portion of my list already has been barbecued to perfection, nothing says summer in Florida quite like a good BBQ pork sandwich and a side of corn on the cob.

· Mooney’s Peanut Butter Ice Cream – One last favorite from way up north, it only takes a few scoops of this to take me back to those childhood days when the entire family would hop on our bikes and ride down to the local ice cream shop. Ever since, I’ve searched in vain for a comparable brand of peanut butter ice cream…

Of course, this list could go on and on, and over time it probably will! But in the meantime, all this talk of food is making me hungry and it just wouldn’t seem right to try to hold back this kind of lust…

(Do you have a “Better Than Sex” list of your own? If so, send it my way and just maybe I’ll put together a follow-up column dissecting some of your favorites! If anything, I’m always open to new suggestions…)