Imagine, if you will, that before you are two cookies.

One is your typical chocolate ship affair – warm and moist, fresh from the oven, and chocked full of milk chocolatey chips … perfectly delicious in its own right.  In fact, if you wanted to, you could just pour yourself a glass of milk, dive right in and enjoy its tender morsels right now.

But you don’t…

You don’t because while Cookie #1, in all of its freshly baked glory, would be a grand choice for your immediate dessert-munching needs, you – being the confectionary connoisseur that you are, simply find yourself wanting just a bit, well, more. There’s nothing to be ashamed of – if anything, you should expect an eruption of applause for your impressive sweet tooth and its strive for excellence!  We could all take a lesson from you as you defy traditional portion sizes and boldly choose what only those with big ambitions and even bigger appetites dare to choose.

That’s right – for you, it’s all about Cookie #2.

We’ve all heard about this cookie before – it comes with a reputation not to be trifled with, along with its own to-go bag if one is unable to consume the beast in a single sitting.  Dwarfing its predecessor by several magnitudes of awesome, this mammoth creation strikes fear into the hearts of dentists the world over and for the rest of us, well, we just enjoy bite after seemingly endless bite of its delicious sustenance more than life itself.  In fact, those minutes while we’re savoring those delectable morsels are no doubt some of the most wonderful moments we’ll ever know … maybe not above your wedding night or when your first child is born, but they’re definitely still in the top five and unless you end up living just a really boring life, that’s still pretty impressive!

“But why a giant cookie when you could just as easily eat several small ones instead?” you ask, somewhat condescendingly as if to imply that you’re somehow better than those of us who choose to live large and not settle for less.  Well, jerk – the reasons why giant is clearly superior to non-giant are actually quite simple:

  • More Gooey Middle – the interior of the cookie, sans crust, if you will, is clearly superior to the borders and with giant cookies, that’s all the more middle to love!
  • Definitely Not a Pig – while plowing through half a dozen Oreos in one sitting may lead to on-looker reactions citing your hog-like resemblance, enjoying a single, albeit giant cookie results in nothing of the sort because despite being the same quantity of cookie by volume, a giant cookie is still but one cookie.
  • Appetite: Fulfilled – lesser cookies may leave you wanting more, and yet afraid to go back for seconds in fear of said oink-worthy implications, but giant cookies always leave you satisfied the first time around.

And of course, the most significant selling point of all for such supersized sweets is that simply put, bigger is better. Sorry, guys, but whether we’re talking dogs, diamonds, or even delicious desserts, size matters and anyone who claims otherwise has never had to walk their girlfriend’s bun-sized dog or take a bridezilla shopping for engagement rings.  The same holds true for cookies, though thankfully without all of the violence and embarrassing laughter – a cookie is just a cookie, but a giant cookie is worth its weight in chocolate chips!  Sure, they may cost a bit more than your average, everyday wafer, but at the end of the day, $2 for a few minutes of satiated bliss still seems like a bargain to me…

So embrace your impeccable taste in holding out for Cookie #2, my friends – may its succulent sweetness comfort your soul on rainy days and make the sunny ones even brighter, may its seemingly endless sustenance serve as your inspiration to live life to its fullest, may its warm and gooey center be the highlight of your days.  Bon appétit!