Even the very best of men can only put off cleaning house for so long…
Granted, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I’d have to finally deal with it, but I figured that I still had a good couple of weeks on my side. Maybe it was that mysterious green blob lurking in the corner of the bathroom, maybe it was when my toast actually got up and tried to walk off my plate this morning during breakfast – whatever the last straw was, however, I knew one thing was for certain when I left the house this morning: when I returned, it would be time for cleaning day.
That in mind, I stopped off for a drink on the way home in hopes of not only postponing my not-so-excellent adventure for just a little longer, but also more so to kill off a few of the brain cells that would be responsible for controlling my sense of smell later on that evening because just between you and me, well on second thought, there are some things even I won’t write about! But for the record, however many drinks I actually did have post mortem, it wasn’t nearly enough…
Just for the record – I don’t think any amount of drinks would’ve been enough to completely block out that smell.
Now I know what you’re thinking, or at least I know what the ladies are thinking right about now and that would be something along the lines of, “Why in the world do you guys let your places get that disgusting to begin with, anyways?! If you’d just keep up on things like you’re supposed to, it would never get that bad…” And while that may technically be true, I have to remind you that despite any sense or logic that may tread along those lines, guys just don’t think that way.
Sorry, but whether you want to admit it or not, when it comes to cleaning, men pretty much approach it with our standard, “I’ll get to it later…” method of reasoning which is only be circumvented if and when there’s a confirmed chance that there could possibly be some sex in it for us if we do a good job. So if you’re coming over for an evening of romancing a la couch, that might very well be reason to break out the old dust-buster, but for video games with the guys, the landlord, or even a visit from the parents, a few dust bunnies here and there aren’t anything that a well-placed blanket can’t take care of!
And I think part of the problem is, really, that perhaps most guys simply don’t know when it’s time to get down and dirty…or clean, in this case. Sure, if somebody writes it on the calendar and we actually remember to look at said calendar, that might do it, but if you ask me, there’s got to be a better way to tell! As I learned earlier today, there are many signs that it might be that time again, and because I just enjoy making lists, here’s what I was able to come up with…
It might be time to clean the house if…
- …you find yourself having to wear flip-flops in the shower…and you’re not in college anymore.
- …you can be quoted as uttering the phrase, “What the hell is that?!” after searching the refrigerator for a midnight snack.
- …the floor in your bathroom feels soft and furry, and it’s a tile floor.
- …the dust bunnies are evolving into even larger and more menacing vertebrates.
- …you reach for a dish out of the cupboard … and somehow it’s still dirty.
- …your bug problem has packed up shop and left for a healthier environment.
- …the only dusting you do on a regular basis is when the picture on the TV becomes hard to see.
- …when guests arrive unexpectedly, you rush to close the doors of certain rooms that are “off limits” because frankly, they’re just plain nasty.
Unfortunately, though, once you’ve identified that it is, in fact, time for a good, thorough cleaning, you’re officially past the point of which I am able to lend my expertise. Humor can only take you so far – only Mr. Clean and some good, old-fashioned elbow grease can help you now. And maybe a gas mask or something because, jeesh!
Best of luck to my brethren when this day comes for your own. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I just saw a rogue dust bunny trying to make a break for it and on rare days like these when I’m in the frame of mind to cleanse, nothing gets out alive…