*bleep*

*blorp*

Oh, hey!  I’ll be with you in just a…

*zap*

Damn it!  Level 5 is just too freaking fast – who could possibly play that?!

Sorry about that, and my sincere apologies if I seem a little, well, distracted, but I’ve just been really into this game lately.  And no, it’s not the latest Mario game to come out for the Wii or some never-ending role-playing game that will have me earning experience points for three months before I even come close to facing up against the Dragon Master King!  I almost feel a little bit silly even bringing it up, but nonetheless, as of late instead of any of those perfectly normal video game-related addictions, these days I’ve found myself getting sucked into something on a much smaller scale, but don’t let that 3.5-inch screen fool you – in a matter of only a couple of days, I think I’ve lost more sleep playing these stupid, little iPod games than the entire first month that we owned our Wii!

…and not for nothing, but I got damn good at bowling during that month…

Regardless, those endless nights spent bowling and golfing and admittedly awkwardly playing tennis into the wee hours of the morning have been a thing of the past ever since this new-fangled time-waster from Apple found its way into our home.  I suppose from a purely technical standpoint, the thing actually belongs to my wife, but you know what they say – while the cat’s away, the mouse will stay up far later than it actually should playing stupid games on the cat’s new iPod when realistically it should be in bed so that it can get up at a reasonable time and try to be productive the next day…

Anyways, it all started one particularly quiet night when I found myself with a suspicious amount of idle time on my hands.  You know the scene – the house was in tip-top shape with dishes washed, clothes laundered, and the floors all shining with a fresh coat of wax, all of my writing was completely caught up weeks before any upcoming deadlines, and I had just finished my daily exercise routine of 45 push-ups, 110 sit-ups, and a refreshing 95 minutes on the treadmill!  There was nothing left to do that night but sit and silently reflect about life, the universe, and everything … that is, until I saw it laying there on the table, with its alluringly shiny touch screen and seemingly endless supply of 99-cent time-wasters just waiting to entertain me with one clever strategy game at a time.

They started innocently enough – just tap the blocks whenever you have at least three in a row … simple enough, right?  Well, two and a half hours later and a high score of nearly 2,000 points to show for it, I know that I for one couldn’t have been more proud … but all in the same, there were still plenty of other tiny icons left in the menu to remind me that I still had a long way to go … and thus go I certainly did – card games, pinball games, games with ridiculously small tiles that I don’t see how anyone without a freaking magnifying glass would ever be able to read!  I played each and every one of them with squinted eyes and not the foggiest idea of how late it was getting, and it wasn’t until nearly an hour had been spent in the dead of night desperately trying to find subtle differences between a pair of photos and not winning a single game that I was finally able to tear myself away from its obsessive grasp long enough to convince myself that at my age, 5:45am really is a time for sleeping, not gaming…

Of course, as you may have guessed, while I’ve since then miraculously managed to keep subsequent late night iPod benders to a minimum, that’s certainly not to say that time hasn’t been spent in increments of hours toiling away where blocks and lines are concerned.  And sure, I do have a new personal best of 4,517 points in Line Up Pro that’s really going to add that missing bit of flair to my resume, but nonetheless the sane part of me does find itself rethinking this whole iPhone obsession thing … as if cell phones and texting aren’t distracting enough behind the wheel!

Oh, who am I kidding?!  I’ll only play when I’m stuck at red lines … just for a minute or two at a time … I can always put it down any time I want, right???

Please Note: Despite said hilarious undertones, Comedic-Genius Media does not condone playing Line Up Pro or any other entertainment applications for the iPhone while driving – that’d just be crazy! At least have a passenger take the wheel during the really fast parts so you can just juggle between the pedals and focusing on your game.  Play safe, folks…